Not All That Glitters Is Gitter's

While her take on Legally Blonde really got us talking, MJ wasn't the only freshman who made a campaign video this year. In fact, they're all over the place. The approach makes a lot of sense, considering that we would never vote for someone until we had a good feel for his or her ability to rewrite and perform (or recruit friends to perform) a popular song from two plus years ago. Can you even fathom the repercussions of electing someone who does not possess a mastery of the name-rhyme-centric chorus? We shudder to think.

So vote responsibly, students, by checking out four campaign videos, scored using our very own meaningless point system, after the jump.

Coby Lerner for UA Representative:

We have a sinking suspicion that Coby is not the one rapping. How do we know he's got rhythm and flow? -16

Photo of Coby, blue-tongued, bow-tied, and probably at Junior Prom +5

But the shutter shades? -3

"Vote Cobama. Yes we can." There's a strong and undeniable link between Coby's campaign for Freshman UA Representative and Obama's campaign to become the first black president of the United States of America, but what if voters get confused and look for "Cobama Lerner" on the ballot? -45

The female vocalist sounds like Dido in "Stan." SpOooOky! -13

The photo of Coby with Amy Gutmann enters at 0:36, and viewers then get to look at it for the remaining 1:40 of rapping. +37

In the lyrics, which are posted on YouTube, "me" is consistently spelled "meh." -23

Another Candidate for UA Representative & Executive Vice President

As much as we love the God-like stance in the photograph, there is no reason for this to be a video. -5

"Vote for me for UA and VP/You gotta spread the name like an STD?" It's like that time you had the clap and you thought, "I just gotta spread it!" Another possible translation is "Be responsible. Keep my name double-wrapped in a condom." One Less

"Vote for him and Get Smart like Steve Carrell." Evoking the name of a 2008 career low-point? -13

There's something vaguely offensive about a kid singing "He's got balls of steel." However, we hear it was not a real child, but one of our very own up-and-coming UTBloggers, bumped up a few octaves in Garage Band. For using one of our own: +10

Wait, Autotune!? (0:49) + A Milli

Mike Mo for Vice President of Finances

Letting some "amazing individuals" (Markus Beissinger, Jordan Parker, Vanilla Ice) handle the beats, music, video editing and rapping. -15

But then again, convincing said "amazing individuals" to take part couldn't have been easy. +10

The special effects. Particularly the technicolor thing. Why? -6

Mo's cameo performance involves waving money in the air, throwing it on the ground, and then running away. Possible glimpse of what's to come? -5.2 Billion

Let's take a look at the second verse:

Will he ever stop yo I dont know. Rock the vote, and hell glow. To the extreme callin up all the honeys,

Our interpretation:

He might stop. There's really no way of knowing. -5 Everyone should vote for someone. And "Hell glow" (does not translate). -10 He stays phoning honeys. He will call Every Last Honey. - All the honeys in the world

Chris Cruz for UA Representative, President

The security guard at 1:08. +12

Not rapping. +33

Cutting out the last, and most important word of almost every interview. Ex. "I want - " (0:18). -14

Editing out every single word except "showerhead" during the cheerleader segment (0:51) -5

The sheer impossibility of goals outlined. I mean, DiningDollar$ at Fresh Grocer and Wawa? A second NSO? Having a fun year? Puh-lease.  -16

This photograph. +78

Except, HOLD UP. In his poster, he looked like this. Where is the arched brow? The perfect pout? The soft charcoal highlight beneath a roughly sketched cheekbone? -10