Race To The UA 2K10: Posters With The Mosters

With freshman UA elections in full swing, and with so many candidates offering such an array of empty promises, deciding how to cast your ballot can be overwhelming. With that in mind, we're continuing the hallowed UTB tradition of dissecting the most promising posters we've seen all over campus (arbitrary numerical ratings included). Based on these totals, you should be able to get a pretty good idea of how we think you should vote. Let's go down the rabbit hole of student government and take a look at what the kids today are using for campaign material.

We see a lot of potential for lunch-truck cross promotion here, but sadly, it looks like Abe fell victim to the powerful temptation of making Soulja Boy references. Abe: don't undershoot it. Song based campaign slogans are just begging for a YouTube video.

"Bui? Of the 38th Street Bui's?" If yes: +100, If no: -101

Soulja Boy reference: -47

Objectively nice swag: +8

Total (depending on origin of last name): 61 if yes, -139 if no.

Hey guys, have you heard about this whole Harry Potter craze? It's really taking off - wizards or whatever are totally the new vampires. It's always good for a candidate to have one finger firmly on the pulse of the zeitgeist.

Lack of photo, name of position he's running for, and actual platform: -12

On the other hand, casual disregard for UA campaign protocol: +113 3/4

Totally cute, punny re-purposing of the word "platform": -10

Total: 91 3/4

We can tell a lot of work went into these posters. Between the delicate use of Sharpie calligraphy and subtle neon, the craftsmanship here deserves all the attention it can get.

Slant-rhyme: -2

Nonchalant attitude towards campaign posters: -8

Inclusion of the Student Government website because, I mean, lest we forget!: +1

Hanging the poster from a piece of string as opposed to just lashing it to the tree: +9

Total: 0

We're hoping that one of these people turns out to be Shaan. That is all.

Implying (possibly rightly so) that your constituents will be voting whilst inebriated: +5

Sure, they might not regret it in the morning, but how about 3 months down the line when you totally bungle the position of Finance VP?: -9

Actually, is that Michael Cera?: +12 for possible celebrity endorsement!

Bravely ignoring the opportunity to make a Penn pun with your last name: +4

Total: 12

Go Garrett! It looks like you're pretty chummy with America's lil' sweetheart, which we can only see producing good things in your possible tenure as Wharton class rep.

Actual (but probably unrelated) celebrity endorsement: +10

Really underplaying the slogan "Be Ballin - Vote Zwahlen": -8

The inclusion of "Yeah, it's actually her" leads us to believe that it might not actually be her: -15

Total: -13

Ooh, a multimedia poster! A quick word of advice, though: it might not be the greatest idea to send the message that you will be perpetually drunk while fulfilling your UA duties. Also, these ideas are a little worrisome.

An "NSO app"? What a befuddling proposition: -59

"Waiting lists for filled classes," though? Could be great!: +43

"Frat Map": -102000042394083729475100

Playful use of color, solo cups: +3

Total: See "Frat Map."

This certainly is one multifaceted campaign strategy - between "Ini(GO)" and that Princess Bride reference, we can tell that this guy is ready and eager to cover all the bases.

Charming/brave re-purposing of your freshman superlative: +5000

Diversity of logos: +4

Serious, yet approachable stance: +4

But wait, didn't we also kill your father?: -250

Total: 4758