This Week In Crime

Wednesdays are the greatest - it's hump day, the burgers at Copa are half-off, and (most importantly) the DP runs the weekly crime blotter. Hidden between the countless blurbs about bike thefts and stolen laptops (yawn) are some hilarious, weird, and mysterious tidbits. We slogged through it and pulled out all the gems so you don't have to.

From the ever entertaining fraud section, a group was reported to have dined and dashed at Chili's on September 8th at 9:45 pm. These people had the right idea - if you're going to stoop so low as to eat at Chili's, might as well try to do it for free. Godspeed, Chili's thieves.

Meanwhile, on the 100 block of 40th St., a 55 year old woman was "flim-flammed" (her words) into giving some stranger a cash handout. Shame on you, stranger! Flim-flamming should be reserved for impressionable freshman, not dignified women of a certain age. Flim-flam indeed.

On the 7th (just one day before Chili's fell into free-for-all anarchy and the moral code of panhandlers was thrown entirely out of whack), an enterprising fellow found a way to schmiegle some money and snacks out of a vending machine in the Chemistry building. Engineers - always seeing the big picture!

Beyond this, other crimes included theft from Urban Outfitters and a bit of vandalizing. Tune in next week!