This Week In Crime

Hello, friends. We're so glad you could join us for another recap of the DP crime log. After a brief hiatus (read: nothing worth writing about happened), we've returned with a set of shenanigans that we think should get you adequately hot and bothered. What are we waiting for? Let's get started.

Holy hell, you guys, sound the alarm - someone allegedly took an unattended handtruck from the Franklin Building on the 11th. Real talk: if you leave something so universally useful and frankly, amazing, as a handtruck unattended, you're begging for it to be stolen. That's like leaving a sack full of doubloons in the middle of Locust over the weekend and expecting it to be there when you get back. Foolhardy!

There's more abject depravity (and a mystery begging to be solved!) after the jump.

On the 7th, a 22 year student reported that an unknown suspect allegedly stole shit from her jacket at Smoke's...at 6:15 p.m. We'll be honest: the joke's on you for going into Smoke's before sunset. Have you ever been there for lunch? The daylight-hours patrons skew a little skeevy. A sweeping generalization, yes - a wise word of caution, though? Also yes.

Finally, we present you with a string of crimes that we hope you can help us to understand. Here they are, listed as they appear in the crime log:

Nov. 6 — A male juvenile, 16, was arrested at about 11:30 p.m. for allegedly removing merchandise without paying from Urban Outfitters, at 110 S. 36th St.

Nov. 6 — A male juvenile, 17, was arrested at about 11:30 p.m. for allegedly removing merchandise without paying at American Apparel, at 3661 Walnut St.

Nov. 6 — Two male juveniles, 16 and 17, were arrested at about 8:30 p.m. for removing merchandise without paying at Eastern Mountain Sports, at 3401 Chestnut St.

Also, a dude named Elvis has been jackin' cars all over the place. So, watch out. Like sands through the hourglass, so too are our days full of crime.