Geology Class Distracted By Noisy Chewer

[Disclaimer: This article was part of our "Joke Day" series... if you couldn't tell by the usage of Comic Sans.] Students in Geology-100 are having a harder time filling the Physical World requirement than they expected, thanks to a noisy eater somewhere in the back of the room. Those close enough to her seat have identified the culprit as College junior Becky Kullman, who apparently runs the gambit from smacking her gum to crunching on Doritos to even slurping on a bowl of Gia Pronto soup. The overall tone of the class is disgruntled, to say the least, and most students blame their failing grades on an inability to concentrate.

"I love Geology, but this is like the only thing I can hear for an hour and a half," says a classmate. "It's really out of my hands." Even Professor Omar is worried for his students' well-being, saying he's doing his best to teach as loudly as he can. "I turn up my microphone as high as it goes! If you can't beat 'em, join 'em," he shouts, "am I right?"