This Week In Crime

Brrr! It's cold out! Just as cold as the heartless, calculating bastards who continue to get their criminal behavior documented in the DP crime log! Fie! Fie on them and their lack of yuletide cheer! Come along and feed your bitter, end-of-semester blues with a report on crime most foul.

On November 26th, it was reported that someone stole merchandise from, uh, the Natural Shoe Store? You know, it's that place on 40th that sells Skechers. We'd like to posit that this is likely also the most recent incident of someone removing merchandise from that store, by means legal or otherwise. Get it? Because nobody shops there.

Later that same day, a 35 year-old dude unaffiliated with the University reported "that he received unwanted phone calls at Allegro Pizza." Not unsolicited phone calls from Allegro, unsolicited phone calls in Allegro. It's all too much. This makes too little sense. If you're going to complain about tele-harassment, at least wait until you get home? Everyone has been harassed to some degree in Allegro, so we file this one solidly under "not really all that much of an invasion."

There's more after the jump. Bling blow brrr!

On November 30th, a whole group of losers allegedly stole from American Apparel. One of them hit a lady as they exited the store. First of all, rude. Second of all, after a semester of reading these crime logs pretty closely, I'd like to pose a few questions to the Penn/West Philadelphia community at large. Why is stealing from American Apparel such a thing? Why is this something best achieved in large groups? And why, why, if you're going to try and get away with stealing some cheaply made, tacky crap would you decide that the best course of action involves punching someone on your way out? West Philadelphia criminals, you continue to astound me with your beefheadedness. Keep it up, guys, or I won't have anything to write about.

Stay legal during finals, y'all. Or, you know, don't. Your call.