Dispatches: The 50-Piece Chicken McNuggets
January 31, 2011 at 5:10 pm
Rush, new classes, return of abroad kids-- these are some of the positives most people think of in relation to this semester. However, one particularly important shift has been sorely overlooked in Penn culture as of late: the introduction of the 50-piece McNugget. While this may only be a fleeting Superbowl promotion (as it has been in the past), we welcome this addition to our lifestyle for however long it may stay.
In celebration of this cultural development, we have decided to walk you through this experience in our very own Dispatches (you know, like the Street ones): The 50 Piece Chicken McNuggets.
7:01 p.m.: 50 McNuggets purchased. Why don't they come in a giant bucket? Ten little boxes is so disappointing, although we're glad they're mislabeled "Chicken Selects." Maybe people will underestimate our caloric intake. Noted that it is only $3 more than a 10-piece meal with fries and a Coke.
7:09 p.m.: WHAT A BITCH! Lady forgot the sauces! And we already walked all the way back!
7:11 p.m.: Nuggets are too dry. Hunt for sauce commences.
7:18 p.m.: Mustard discovered in far-off crevices. There is hope!
7:22 p.m.: BOX #1 DOWN.
7:24 p.m.: Naive diner asks what's in the nuggets. First rule of the nuggets: don't ask about the nuggets.
7:25 p.m.: BOX #2 DOWN. There is hope!
7:28 p.m.: Answer to previous question about the origins of nuggets is googled. EW.
7:31 p.m.: Box #4? What happened to Box #3? Anonymous diner asks if we are done. He is reminded boxes are 10 each and therefore we have another left. Anonymous diner happens to be a Math 170 graduate.
7:37 p.m.: "I'm running out of steam..." "Yeah, I feel weird."
7:39 p.m.: McNuggetQuest turns into Sitskrieg.
7:41 p.m.: There are 3 very tricky nuggets left. Two are taken for the team. What to do with the solo survivor?
7.46 p.m.: Previously-full diner comes through in the clutch to eat the last nug! VICTORY!
7:47 p.m.-present: So. Much. Pain.
Conclusion: Don't ever, ever order the 50 piece chicken McNuggets. Why would you need to? This is literally the worst possible idea available to mankind.