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It's Time to Shoutout

Shoutouts_0

By 34TH STREET MAGAZINE

April 4, 2011 at 10:46 am

While some believe that spring revolves around fling, warm weather and sundresses, we at Street know better. This is the season of SHOUTOUTS! This is the season to unleash the oodles of built up rage and hatred you have all bundled up inside against roommates, friends, professors, that fucking loud chewer in your econ recitation.
Let 'em have it! This is also the perfect forum to reveal your lusty obsession for that special someone. Chances are nothing is going to happen between you two, but at least the rest of us get to read about what a creep you are.

As per usual you can send your shoutouts to shoutouts@34st.com but you can also just peruse up to the top right corner of this page and submit your shoutouts in that pretty lil' box.

Feeling uninspired? Check out past shoutouts here, here and here. Remember they're all anonymous so let 'em rip!

Find instructions on how to write a shoutout that might actually get published after the jump.

An example of a bad shoutout: To Carl Lublonsky: You look chubby in that shirt. Everybody thinks so. So there!

An example of a good shoutout: To my best friend who stole my boyfriend: You're a fat slut, and you can't spell. I hope your children are dyslexic and look like monkeys.

And, some more specific advice:

Be genuine. Say what you feel in your heart of hearts. EXAMPLE: To the girl on Beige who gets lots of attention: That’s because you have big jugs. I mean, your boobs are huge. I mean, I wanna squeeze ‘em!

If you’re going to shout someone out, why not own up to it? EXAMPLE: To the MERT whose bike I stole: Sorry. From, the jackass who ended up having to call you and get medical amnestied five minutes later.

Sometimes less is more. EXAMPLE: To the football player who begged me to hold his dick while he peed: No.

Don’t do this: To (person you know through some organization or class): you can (double entendre related to that organization or class) anytime.

Say what we’re all thinking. EXAMPLE: To the kids with names like Zshu-Liau who asked to be called Jen on the first day of class: If you’re not going to use Zshu-Liau, can I? A name like that shouldn’t go to waste.

Be as specific as possible. EXAMPLE: To the only other person who’s had sex under the Button, on the Button, through a hole in the Button, on top of the Love sculpture, in the Blarney bathroom, at the top of 38th Street bridge, and on the 8th floor of Huntsman: What a fucking year. Happy Anniversary, baby!

It’s okay to be nice. EXAMPLE: To my Chinese teacher: You’re the most precious person alive and we all secretly want to hug you.

 

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