Bachelorette Buzz: Week Five

Week Five of The Bachelorette kicked off with Ashley's one-on-one date with Ben F., who looks a lot like Constantine, so it actually gets pretty confusing. Our girl takes him to a marketplace where they sample foods and dresses and hats, and then join a street band. All the while, viewers are thinking, "Didn't she do this with Constantine? Is this Constantine? Wait, is there a new episode tonight?"

After making sweet music together at the market, the couple checks out an umbrella stand where they paint traditional Thai parasols. Ashley then brings Ben F. to a little bench where a nearby temple cockblocks his attempts at a kiss. Ashley deems the place too sacred for a kiss, reminding the two guys watching the show with their girlfriends that this isn't a James Cameron flick; you don't just go around making out in (or around) temples. The couple settles for a "mental kiss."

"Mm... That was good," says Ashley after they both awkwardly close their eyes for several seconds. Wow, guys, please, keep it in your pants. Everyone knows mental kisses are the first step on the slippery slope that leads to imaginary 2nd base and ends in not-so-imaginary disappointment.

On this week's group date, Ashley takes the boys to a gym where they are trained in muay thai boxing. Naturally, the guys can't wait to kick the crap out of each other, but you can always count on Ivy Man Ames to start freaking out. "Ashley's worth it," he says slowly, trying to convince himself.

The guys do hardcore pushups and crunches while their Thai coaches sit on them and beat them. Ames gets beaten up by a punching bag, and this is not at all a foreshadowing of what's about to happen in the episode...  The boys then don shiny boxing gear, each dressed in a different bright color, and Ames gets stuck with hot pink boxing gloves.

After the boys are all dolled up, the group drives up to a boxing ring where the guys promptly crap themselves. "I hope they have fun with it and don't take it too seriously," beams Ashley. Pfft, okay.

The first guys up are Blake and Lucas, both wearing blue, making the fight really hard to follow. "I'm beginning to think that this date is too dangerous. I don't want anyone to get hurt," says Ashley as she watches the guys punch each other in the face.

Ames announces that he doesn't believe in physical violence as a means to resolving things. He's a book boy. It shows. "I am so nervous for him," says Ashley. He gets creamed by Ryan and earns himself a trip to the hospital as well as a definite rose. "I thought this was gonna be a fun thing. I thought everyone was gonna bond." Really, Ashley? Really?!

That night, Ashley points out everyone's booboos. "I don't even wanna know what it's like to get hit," she giggles. Ames comes back with a minor concussion, making everyone feel better, especially Ashley.

In their 10-minute conversation, Blake questions whether Ashley likes him. His voice cracks. She feels like a bitch and gives him a rose. His voice cracks again. Ashley thinks of Bentley. Everyone at home slaps a hand to their forehead. Then Ashley finds out that Lucas is a golfer and asks for the cliché golf lesson despite the obvious lack of golf club/ball/arena in the near vicinity. He thinks it's just as stupid as we do.

William and Ben C. are chosen for a two-on-one date, which is just as sick as it sounds. Haha no, relax, this is ABC. But yeah, there is a catch: two boys go on the date, but only one boy comes back. Pressure's on. The guys take Ashley on a raft down the river. Elephants are bathing and being cute.

William plays on Ashley's greatest insecurity—that the guys don't like her and don't wanna be there— and he tells her that Ben C. can't wait to go home to his dating websites. Ashley sends Ben C. home right on the spot without talking to him one-on-one and despite his claims that he was kidding about online dating. The dismissal comes completely out of left field for him, and it's sad, because he seemed like a genuinely nice guy.

William, the self-proclaimed 30-year-old boy, has successfully sabotaged the date, and now he has Ashley all to himself. Turns out, Ashley's just not that into him. She agrees that the two had a great first date during Week 2, but now she's not feelin' "the spark." She gives him the boot, too! "I'm looking for a man," she says. BAM!

Ashley reiterates her insecurities to the camera. "How do I know they're telling the truth? How do I know they're here for me? Bentley. Love. Genuine. I don't wanna be alone. Rose. Cry."

Ashley talks to the boys and tells them that she wants them to be honest with her and be sure that they really like her. She realizes that not all the guys are gonna fall in love with her, and she wants to know the truth. Ryan, for the third week in a row, tells Ashley exactly what she wants to hear. Ashley then asks Constantine (wait, or is it Ben F.?) if he feels closer to the guys than he does to her. "Naturally," he answers. Woo hoo! Honesty points!

Bentley, Bentley, Bentley. "I need closure."

Ashley opens up to host Chris Harrison about her Bentley issue. He's bored to tears and suppresses yawns while giving her fatherly advice. Which she ignores. She wants one last conversation with Bentley, and Chris says he'll try to work it out, but she should keep in mind that they're halfway around the world. (OMGz Skype sesh soon?)

During the rose ceremony, Constantine gets a rose in spite of his honesty and despite admitting that he doesn't see himself with Ashley forever in the future...yet. Mickey gets a rose, even though most of us have forgotten who he is, and Nick (who?) is sent home.

Next week: Bentley's back! Oh yeah, and Hong Kong.

Want more TV Recaps? Check out Street's dish on the Real Housewives of NJ here.