Bachelorette Buzz: Week Three

On the third episode of The Ashlorette, Penn's golden girl took Ben C. to a dance studio where she taught him some hip hop choreography, which he put it in his back pocket and saved for later...when Ashley surprised him with a dancing flash mob in the middle of a public mall. It wasn't awkward at all. Then the Far East Movement tried to prove once again that they're not just a one-hit wonder, milking more of their 15th minute of fame by performing for the crowd.

The next morning, Mask Man could hold out no longer, and he finally removed his disguise. The whole moment was pretty anticlimactic, and ended with Ashley telling the camera, “He’s a lot older than I thought he was.” (Translation: "Okay, now America knows what he looks like and I can finally give this creep the boot.")

This episode's group date took a trip to a comedy club where Roast Master General Jeffrey Ross greeted the fellas and told them that their task was to roast Ashley in front of a sold-out audience. Obviously, this was totally gonna end well for everyone. After the other guys made lame jabs at each other and cracked jokes about Ashley's small tatas, William, supposedly the funniest of the bunch, proved that he didn't quite have a grip on the fine line between funny and mean when he joked that he was disappointed when he found out that the bachelorette was Ashley, and not some girl named Emily from last season.

Resident douchebag Bentley (he's the one who like totally isn't into her but who she's totally like falling for) found the bachelorette in tears and announced that he wasn't about to "miss an opportunity to mess with her head," so he goes over and consoles her and pretends that he likes her. William feels uneasy for making a girl cry so he apologizes to Ashley and volunteers to go home.

Later, Ryan tells Ashley exactly what she wants to hear and ends his one-on-one with the three words that are a straight shot to any girl’s heart: “You look gorgeous.” They make out.

Ashley then confronts Bentley about something her friend's wife's dogwalker's babysitter said about him: he's only there to promote his business and he's gonna bail early. He denies it, she believes him, and he brags to the camera about what a close call that was. Which begs the question:  WHY WON’T THE HEARTLESS CAMERAMEN TELL HER WHAT’S GOING ON?

Apparently this close call was too much for Bentley to handle, and he decides that he does in fact want to hop a plane and bolt.  “I’m not into Ashley. I don't care about Ashley. Ashley's not attractive at all,” he tells America. To the other hopefuls and Ashley, he says he’s going home to chill with his daughter. “These tools, these freakin’ idiots, they believe me!” Well isn't that the white pot calling all the other white kettles white!

Ashley cuddles between her blankets and cries. It rains. At this point, the episode seems endless and the author's battery is running out. (Two hours? Every Monday? Really?) JP comes over for his date, and after moping around by the fireplace, Ashley gives him a rose because she feels bad for being such a depressed mess.

Before the rose ceremony, Ashley meets with the show's host, Chris, and tells him that her relationship with Bentley "ended with a dot-dot-dot," to which Chris replies, “That’s such a guy thing to say. A real man would’ve stayed and fought for you.” She cries a little more and cancels the cocktail party that precedes every rose ceremony, reminding the audience just how over-complicated this basic-concept show really is. (We don't know what confuses us more: the group dates that single some guys out or when she randomly whips out roses outside of the sanctioned rose ceremony.)

During the rose ceremony, Ashley essentially takes roll call, reminding us of all the guys' names as she pins red roses to their suits. It turns out that William never did leave, and in fact, he gets the last rose. Mask Man is sent home along with some other dudes. The end.

Next week: Thailand.

Want more TV Recaps? Check out Street's dish on the Real Housewives of NJ here.