Bachelorette Buzzkill

Did you panic at the thought of missing The Bachelorette because you were out getting your red white and blue on? Fear not! Though there was no new episode this week because of the holiday, we couldn't resist this opportunity to cast our own predictions. If episode seven had aired last night, here's what we think might have gone down:

• Sniffle, sniffle, tear(s). While previews may exaggerate some drama, they certainly never lie. The per episode ratio of Crying Ashley to non-Crying Ashley has been climbing faster than the unwavering affection each suitor has admitted to feeling for the perpetually pouting princess. "It's My TV Show And I Can Cry If I Waaah-nt To" may be a good theme song to adopt.
• "I'm over Bentley, really!" Leave it to Ashley to reassure us of her feelings for animosity towards Big Bad Bentley in every episode, causing us to seriously question if she's for real or just feeding us a big bag o' bologna. Maybe now that the guys know of his visit, she will finally stop speaking of him. Is that realistic? No. We are certain that Ashley would have mentioned Bentley in this week's episode. Dot dot dot. Period. Whatever.
• A cultural experience, of sorts. So we've now watched the crew travel to Hong Kong, Phuket and Chiang Mai. No visit has been complete without a date that also acts as a unique insult to interpretation of the local lifestyle. Perhaps this week may have featured something along the lines of baking fortune cookies in China.
• Pep talk with Chris #12,978. Have you ever had a friend go on and on about an issue to the point where you are fresh out of advice and all you can offer is a sympathetic nod? Unfortunately for Chris, every such encounter he has with his amiga Ashley is aired on national television. So he has to start "making up rules" in order to convince Ashley that he's listening. Chances are high that in this week's episode Chris would have broken with convention (that is, reality TV convention) yet again in order to appease Miss (Dr.?) Hebert.