One Of The Weirder Craigslist Missed Connections At Penn

SCENE I: The internet. Aspiring (failing?) writer reaches out on Craiglist missed connections. Nothing says hipster love like Lee's delivery guys and army surplus bags at 40th and Walnut. This is apparently best expressed through a short play.

Enter readers, UTB.

EVERYONE: What is this shit?

UTB: Don't ask us.

EVERYONE: Didn't we have a weird Craiglist experience, like, last week?

UTB: We know, right?

SCENE I: 40th and Walnut, midday August 2nd. I stand at the NW corner, heading south, looking harried, standing in the street, and waiting for the light to change. I carry a green army surplus bag with a black yoga mat attached.

Enter LEE'S DELIVERY GUY on bicycle, large red crates mounted in front and back. He pulls up past the crosswalk and I step back to allow him to turn.

LEE'S DELIVERY GUY (to me): I've got to get me one of those bags for my back.

I: Oh, they're pretty great.

Enter YOU, coming from the NE corner. YOU and I make brief eye contact. Perhaps YOU wonder why LEE'S DELIVERY GUY and I are talking, and what about.

I: But mine's not long for this world.

I show the tattered and thread-worn strap of green army surplus bag.

LEE'S DELIVERY GUY: Oh, mine'd be about the same.

LEE'S DELIVERY GUY must work very hard, or their sandwiches are enormous.

I: Still, it's only $15 or so at I. Goldberg. Very doable.

The light changes. YOU and I set off south across the intersection. LEE'S DELIVERY GUY turns past YOU and I, after the intersection, onto the sidewalk heading east.

I (to LEE'S DELIVERY GUY's back): Very doable!

LEE'S DELIVERY GUY: Yeah. You have a good day, boss!

I: Cheers!

I slow my pace as we pass the shell of Marathon Grill. In front of the PNC bank, the strap snaps and YOU and I stop.

YOU (in disbelief): You were just talking about the strap and it broke.

I: Yeah. I just hope my laptop's alright.

I smile and attend to the bag. YOU walk into the bank. Unclear what I was thinking, should have said hello to YOU properly.

SCENE II: YOU and I bag shopping at I. Goldberg?