What Their Wanted Ads Should Really Say

Finding a job is no easy feat. Whether your strategy involves seducing every OCR hottie within earshot or sucking Career Services dry of useless meaningful advice, grabbing hold of the elusive "we'd like to offer you a position at so-and-so" can be a struggle for those of us who aren't the president of three clubs or didn't grow up shmoozing with D-Trump's offspring in inflatable kiddie pools. But let's forget about the word "career" for a second. There are plenty of opportunities for you to make money without the pressures of hardcore networking, redundant data entry or thinking about your future.

We compiled a list of places hiring around campus (actually!), along with the dirrty deetz about where you should work if you're really into Schweddy Balls. Check it out after the jump!

Chipotle: The ideal Chipotle employee should have a background in Mexican/Hispanic studies, be fluent in Spanish and know how to stash 15 extra guacamole cups without getting caught. Pro: Free tacos?!?! Con: Be prepared to wrap burritos for every awkward NSO hookup you've ever had.

Sweetgreen: Working at Sweetgreen is not for the faint of heart. They are "HIRING IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and apparently have no problem looking desperate. Pro: This may be the only opportunity you'll have to toss a complete stranger's salad. Con: Mandatory light saber duels with the staff of Gia.

Gia Pronto: Working at Gia means you'll be handling sorostitutes and sides of dressing by the masses. Pro: All that lettuce chopping counts for a day's worth of cardio (at least!). Con: Must be psychologically stable enough to deal with a Sweetgreen inferiority complex.

Pod: Stephen Starr's asian fusion brainchild is recruiting servers and hosts. Pro: Are you a pseudo highfalutin 25 plus with as many tight black t-shirts to spare? This is your shit. Con: The pressure of flawlessly memorizing the menu (and learning how to say "steamed buns" with a straight face) rivals that of being in Wharton.

The Radian: Our favorite overpriced housing establishment wants a Front Desk Leasing Associate (whatever that is). Pro: You get to collect everyone's money (do not pass go, do not collect $200)! Con: This actually involves, like, real responsbility. Ew.

MidAtlantic: Do you have experience as a line cook? Do you want to "get your hands dirty"? You'll fit right in at MidAtlantic. Con: We didn't know you were like that, MidAtlantic. Pro: We're totally into it.

Ben & Jerry's: B&J are in search of a store manager. Job responsibilities include: finding out how many licks it takes to get to the center of Schweddy Balls, selling Schweddy Balls, feeling the Schweddy Balls. Pro: Schweddy Balls, duh. Con: Sweaty balls. D'oh.

Know of somewhere else that's hiring? Let us know! We want to give you all the jobs.