What's HapPENNing?

Are you there, Amy? It's us, UTB. We only had three days of classes this past week but we're already knee-deep in work and getting back to our old habits: sleeping in lecture, sleeping in recitation, sleeping on our ellipticals, sleeping during our mid-essay 4th floor Van Pelt poop seshes. It's just too much! Luckily, we're planning on spending those precious few moments when we aren't sleeping or under the influence at a smorgasbord of events! A smorgasbord! Think about that.

Karate Demo Class Who: Pottruck When and where: Thursday, 6:45-7:45 p.m.; Pottruck Studio 305 Why: Hiya! Machop! Those were the sounds of us smashing your bedroom door in half. Just kidding! We can hardly separate our chopsticks when we get sushi. But after this free demo we'll probably be able take you in a fight.

Beginner-Level Ballet Class Who: Pottruck When and where: Thursday, 6-7 p.m.; Pottruck Studio 305 Why: There's a lot more to ballet than your standard five positions. You did see Black Swan, right? Ballet is just heaps of sex and intrigue and feathery fantasies! Heaps and heaps!

Skimmer Who: Class Boards of 2013 and 2014 When and where: Friday, 5-7 p.m.; College Green and Hill Field Why: Free food and apparel for Sophomores and Juniors! And hot air balloons. Etc., etc. Expect the Class Boards to make a corny video.

Opening Day at the Penn Ice Rink Who: Penn Ice Rink When and where: Friday, 5:45-7:45 p.m.; Class of 1923 Arena (31st and Walnut) Why: Special flat rate fee of only $3! Go for the Iron Lotus. Go. For. It.

Clark Park Fall Equinox Festival Who: Clark Park When and where: Saturday, 12-8 p.m.; Clark Park (43rd and Chester) Why: Clark Park will be bringing in tons of bands, food and vendors and admission is free! By the way, face painting is happening. Do you need any more reasons to go? What, you do?! Who are you?! Check out the Facebook page for more details and set times.