Hump Day Horoscope: Rain, Rain, Go Away

Keep your chins up, young Penn folk! You will get through the soggy weather and prosper, just as you have in the past. Alas, we have compiled our daily forecasts.

Aries: The evening will bring good luck. You will enjoy a free meal at Distrito after acing your MATH-202 midterm which happens only after you learn that it is an open book test when you walk into class. Cha-ching.

Taurus: Your best path to notoriety, if that is what you seek, is through your social contacts. Or, a fake Twitter account.

Gemini: You may find yourself guiding someone younger than you in matters of importance this afternoon. Your West Philly Tutoring student has a geometry exam tomorrow afternoon. And you forgot that the angle-side-side postulate doesn't exist.

Cancer: During your lunch break, take a little time to move around out of doors for a while. Let your hair down. Dance in the rain. Catch some drops on your tongue. Sit on a bench that isn't dry. Really, go crazy.

Leo: Don't stay awake too long. What this means is that all of the sleeping students who scatter little hairs over their pillows desks are Leos.

Virgo: A book can be enjoyed later tonight. Can be, but probably won't. Because you're taking RUSS-710 and your War and Peace exam is tomorrow. Sucka.

Libra: Every thought you have makes up some segment of the world you see. Ah! This is profound! And so are you! Set out to publish your brilliant and inspirational thoughts so that everyone can have a piece of your mind!

Scorpio: Your intuition will help you at this time--with most any subject matter. Do not second guess yourself when you answer five E's in a row on your next multiple choice test. Follow your heart!

Sagittarius: This is a period that is heightened with new ways to communicate. You and all your pals just got a new iPhone. Thank goodness Siri makes talking to robots cool.

Capricorn: You probably do not have to worry about your weight, but still--you might be interested in the new trends and what everyone else is doing to stay healthy. Sweet Green. Three times a day. That's what 'everyone else' is doing.

Aquarius: Fresh insight comes to you through mass media--broadcasting, publishing, advertising. After the ninety-ninth e-mail from Jonathan Hakim, it dawns on you that you must study abroad in Indonesia.

Pisces: You are in a mood of self-enjoyment. You love yourself and want everyone to know. Give some serious thought to ways in which you can broadcast your awesomeness. But really, you should just send the message via some high rise windows.