Someone Played A Mean Prank On These Freshmen

Pictures this: you're a young, idealistic freshman just trying to find your place at Penn. You hear of all these frats doing "dirty rush," so when you receive a penis-shaped event invitation, you don't think twice about showing up to St. A's in the middle of the night. On the walk there, you pat yourself on the back; you've heard A's is a "cool fraternity," so you must be cool! All those assholes who called you "nerd" in high school can really suck it now.

You take a deep breath, adjust your bowtie and knock on the door.

"What the fuck are you guys doing?" asks a bewildered resident to the group of boys you've come with. You hand them the invite. "What the fuck is this? We didn't do this."

You all stare at each other for a brief moment of shock and confusion. Then the man at the door tells you that you are all "fucking retarded" and to leave.

There are a few possibilities for what went down that night:

• Someone is playing a mean prank on freshmen
• Someone is playing a mean prank on UTB
• Someone found out that St. A's uses cutout penises for rush and before they could be exposed, A's fake exposed a fake prank
• St. A's has weird rush rituals that involve cutout penises and faking freshmen out
• UFOs