What's HapPENNing?

Look around, friends: autumn is au-pon us! Teehee! See, we just used the first two letters of "autumn" to change "upon" to "au-pon." Wasn't that clever? Tell us we're clever! No! Tell us! We're all only children and we demand attention NOW! Please!? Why are you ignoring us!? Say that we're pretty! Do it! Anyway, what's happening this week?

Clothesline Project Who: Penn Women's Center When and where: Monday, 7:30-10:30 p.m.; Penn Women's Center Why: The Clothesline Project is an international program dedicated to combatting gender violence. Participants will decorate and publicly display a bandanna to raise awareness of this unfortunate reality. We shouldn't have to say that The Clothesline Project is a really great cause, but hey, this is a really great cause.

South Asia Society Presents Comedy Central's Hari Kondabolu Who: South Asia Society and APAHW When and where: Wednesday, 7-8:30 p.m.; Hall of Flags (Houston Hall) Why: Hari Kondabolu, noted stand-up comedian seen on "Jimmy Kimmel Live," "Live at Gotham" and "HBO Comedy Arts Festival," will be at Penn on Wednesday as part of Asian-Pacific American Heritage Week. Snazzy! The event is free for PennCard holders.

Kelly Writers House Speakeasy Who: Kelly Writers House When and where: Wednesday, 8-9 p.m.; Kelly Writers House Why: Kelly Writers House's monthly Speakeasy is back! Don't skip this event unless you want to forgo hearing some of the best poetry, spoken word, improvisations, etc., etc., etc. this side of the Schuylkill.

Oktoberfest Beer Brewing Who: Alpha Delta Phi Fraternity When and where: Thursday, 7:30-9 p.m.; Meyerson B3 Why: Members from Philly's own Home Sweet Homebrewer will be coming to Penn to give a how-to guide on brewing beer from the comfort of your own home. Cool! Remember to bring a frosty mug and a fancy garnish for your- haha, just kidding, did you really think they'd be serving beer? Noobs. But hey, free food and root beer.

The Excelano Project Presents: (The Underground) Who: Excelano Project When and where: Thursday, 8-10 p.m.; LGBT Center Why: Come to the LGBT Center to hear the "flyest spoken word poetry collective since flight itself" (How...imaginatively poetic), but be sure to bring a travel-size box of tissues because we hear these things get pretty emotional pretty fast. And don't forget to dig up that emo poetry you wrote in 9th grade, because there's an open-mic sesh! There's a $3 suggested donation, which means "cheap" if you're a morally-sound person and "free" if you're not.