And the 2012 Grad Speaker Is... Eric Cantor

[Disclaimer: Papyrus is such a joke. So is this post.] Eric Cantor was scheduled to speak at Penn earlier this semester but he cancelled at the last minute because protestors decided to OCCUPY PENN. Because of his contractual commitment to speak at Penn and the lack of a better available speaker, Penn officials have confirmed that Cantor is the official 2012 Commencement speaker.

Due to his miscellaneous ties to Penn and his desire to reach out to young voters, Newt Gingrich has also signed onto commencement. He’s expected to receive an Honorary Degree from the University, as well as participate in a musical performance with Cantor and the Penn Band.

Also as part of the announcement, SPEC has released the details of the Spring Fling headliner, Ke$ha, a few months early as part of a “non-denominational holiday present” to the student body.