UTB Presents: Your Guide To The Spring 2012 Semester

[Disclaimer: Papyrus is such a joke. So is this post.] Have you ever looked at how many classes are offered at Penn each semester? A buttload! One whole buttload. And it's overwhelming! If you're like us and haven't finalized your classes for next semester (or haven't picked out any at all)– or even if you have– let UTB direct you to the raddest courses offered in upcoming spring term.

LING444: Abnowmal Speech Pattewns Instructor: Rebecca Stein Description: Faw hundweds of yeaws, humans have noticed stwange and bizawwe speech pattewns in theiw neighbows. Accents awe not mewely choices but symptoms of the fwagile psychological constwucts of the wespective enviwoment, as this lectuwe aims to show. Also: Pwofits.

HIST324: Eine Kleine Histöry Cläss Instructor: Thomas Childers Description: Der Kurs will sprechen about the world at war und anderes Dinge. Wir will do traditional German things like essen das Sauerkraut und tragen Sweaters. At the end of this course, Studenten will be the Lieblingscholars an der Universität. We will have viel Spaß!

MKTG221: Marketing Yourself on eHarmony Instructor: Keith Niedermeier Description: Have you found your soulmate on eHarmony yet? OMG, neither have I! This class will be all about successfully marketing yourself on the internet to get dates. We'll start with Photoshopping your profile picture to take out double chins and adding a nice tan, and then we'll move into Modern Euphemism Theory. For example, "greedy" will become "concerned with the concept of possession with respect to material objects," and "ugly" will become "looking for an honest, meaningful relationship." If you're single, you can't afford not to take this class!

ARTH243: A History of Vests Instructor: Andre Dombrowski Description: This intensive look into the history of vest-wearing will span the sartorial choices of the Americas, Europe, and even Asia! Zoinks! Far from being just a cutesy lil' add-on to a nice outfit, the vest is a critical article of clothing. This lecture aims to uncover the philosophy behind the shifting relations between textiles and mankind through psychoanalysis, gender relations and post-structural analysis.

PSYC514: Debbie Downer in Society Instructor: Martin Seligman Description: Renowned founder of positive psychology, Dr. Martin Seligman has recently branched out academically.This seminar is takes as its beginning the influence of Debbie Downer in the 20th and 21st centuries. By the way, it's official: recent research shows that every minute you spend in class accelerates your slow march towards death. After this, we will move towards a analysis of the place of Debbie Downer in American television. By the way, it's official: Watching television has been shown to give young children eye cancer. Wah-wahhh.