Is There A Doctor In The Hous(ton)?

This note, found on a Houston Hall vending machine, shows how well our writing seminars prepared us for real world arguments...with vending machines. Can someone just get this kid a Dr. Pepper?

Transcript of the note:

Dear Coke-a-Cola Vending Machine filler,

Why on earth did you put Dr. Pepper next to Cherry Coke Zero? You made them both D4 in doing so as if all Dr. Pepper drinkers are fans of Cherry Coke Zero. Well I will have you know that I have polled the universe and nobody cares for Cherry Coke Zero. The only reason you sold so many is because we keep trying to get Dr. Pepper. Help me if you can,

Still Thirsty :(

Well, Still Thirsty, here's to hoping you find the help you're looking for. In the meantime, here you go.