Some Important Talking Points For The University Council
February 21, 2012 at 6:44 pm
Tomorrow afternoon is the second monthly University Council meeting of the semester, a forum for discussion and recommendations of issues and policies for the university. If you wanted a chance to speak, submission for questions or proposals were due last last week (womp). Nonetheless, below are some issues we hope attendees have planned to address (or begin maniacally ranting about as they charge the stage, only to be dragged out of the room by the bodyguards we like to pretend Madame President has).
Lower Houston Market prices. Students are actually starting to feel bad about stealing such expensive food, so a reduction to last year's (only mildly overinflated) prices will put students' consciences at ease when they shoplift sushi.
Crack down on hazing. It's cold enough walking to class at 9 a.m. in February. It makes us feel even colder when we have to look at Tabard girls sleeping on College Green. So please, make them stop. For our sake.
Invest in some Febreze for Houston Market. For some WEIRD and BIZARRE reason, the hallway joining Insomnia, Einstein and Houston Market smells like a zoo, except where all the animals are made out of turds. So do something! We like the Brazilian Carnaval Febreze.
Put industrial-strength toilets in Van Pelt. It's bad enough to have to go when you're supposed to be studying, but how embarrassing is it to be that poor sap who happens to leave his or her mark in the wrong place at the wrong time? Broken toilets no more, plz.
BRING KELLY CLARKSON TO FLING!!!!! SOME PEOPLE WAIT A LIFETIME FOR A MOMENT LIKE THIS!
Allow alcohol at Amy Gutmann's holiday parties. 18 to schmooze, 21 to ohmygodImsoooOOOOOOODRUNNKKLKJAMYwillyoubemymom???????sorryijustthrewupinyourtoiletttt