Stars: They're Just Like Penn Students

Ever feel like your life could totally be a reality TV show? Were there three Shoutouts just about you? If so, you're likely an egotistical, attention-hoarding drama king and your friends hate you. On the upside, UTB is coming out with a new feature just for you. By comparing our readers to the celebs they idolize, we remind you that stardom really is just around the corner, waiting to jump out at you from a bush. So is every campus squirrel, so be careful walking around with open burritos.

But enough dilly-dallying—follow us down this week's red (and blue) carpet!

They get excited about opportunities in DC: Last night marked the 98th annual White House Correspondents' Association Dinner, which meant many of our celebrity friends flocked to the nation's capital like a bunch of PoliSci majors tryna land an internship with Obama. Except if the PoliSci majors were self-important, unregistered Comm majors instead.

They use fakes to buy alcohol: Josh Hutcherson, of Bridge to Terabithia fame (also The Hunger Games, but we never read that), made headlines this week when he successfully presented a fraudulent ID to purchase a bottle of whiskey that runs a little upwards of $150. The Penn connection here is pretty self-explanatory, so we're not gonna spell it out for ya.

They'd rather you not play "Glad You Came" anymore, please: Did Fling, coupled with Hey Day, force you to despise the hit single by The Wanted and all its electronic remixes? Looks like you're not alone. The boy band recently performed on The Voice, and turned out to be rather "unwanted" by judge Christina Aguilera, who appeared to be anything but "glad they came."

They overuse Instagram: Miley Cyrus recently tweeted a photo of her legs that raised a few eyebrows because she was apparently wearing lacy shorts. We're pretty unfazed by her wardrobe; instead, we think the real scandal here is her compulsive Instagramming. Note to all celebrities and Penn students alike: a vintage setting does not make your Starbucks cup a piece of art nor you an artiste. At the end of the day, it's still just a cup of coffee and you're still a grande tool.

They don't retain any information once finals are over: In this College Humor vid (also posted below), Gotye laments over some study that he used to know, a topic that hits very close to home during these Reading Days as we cram our brains full of tidbits that we're unlikely to ever use again.