BREAKING: Research Confirms "Old People" Smell

Penn researchers have collaborated with their Swedish besties overseas to conduct a study on body odor through the ages. The team took samples from 41 people in three distinct age groups, and then made another lucky 41 people smell 'em. (Makes you think twice about signing up for those Wharton Behavioral Labs, huh?) The results are in:

Although it turns out that middle-aged men are the stinkiest human beings of all, subjects actually had the easiest time accurately identifying the odor of 75- to 95-year-olds, supporting the existence of an "old people" smell. But wait, here's the crazy twist! Despite its distinct nature, this odor was in fact much milder than any other age group's. So maybe you should consider turning your "Ew, Grandma!" into Eau de Grandmá, ya rancid young'n!

So there you have it. Really mind-blowing stuff coming out of Penn's Monell Center. But, uh, now that this myth's been finally debunked, we can all rest easy and go back to curing cancer, right, scientists?