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Parents Say The Darndest Things

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By IAN BUSSARD

October 29, 2012 at 1:56 pm

It's almost 2 in the afternoon, DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR SANDY IS? Well, your parents probably do, because judging from the many hilarious submissions of bizarre parental hurricane advice we got over the past few hours, we're in for a rough couple of days.

Below are our favorites– completely unedited– that you sent in. So what kind of parent do you have?

The Perpetual Optimist "Mikey, buy yourself some chocolates.  The Dove ones with the messages.  Your going to need some soothing once this dragon storm hits.  Lots of hard HARD wind.  Looking forward to seeing you over Thanksgiving.  I can't wait to meet that anti-Semitic girlfriend of yours."

The Perpetual Pessimist "I'm watching CNN, I probably shouldn't be. Now I'm just scared that the Hurricane is going to change directions and come to me in Seattle and I'm thinking, am I prepared? What do I need to go get?"

The Text-Savvy Parent "Plz look at the hour to hour and follow the link i forwarded u from penn. Hava gr8 time tonight tho. Make good choices. You want to b able to think quickly if the storm cums through."

The Martha Stewart

"Clean out your closet- the possibilities are endless :) is it raining yet?"

The Daria Student: I'm really afraid of my windows blowing out. What should I do? Dad: Tie your shoelaces to your roommate's so then you can fly out of your window together.

The Prepared Polly "Think about moving stuff into living room if the water starts coming. That's why you don't have school. Sorry Ben. You can be mad at me for telling you that."

The "I'm Not a Regular Mom, I'm a Cool Mom" Mom "You alive? Got food, booze and water? Looks like your classes are canceled Mon and tues. Wanna hop on a bus home? Bring friends! I'm cooking! Lol..."

The Empty Nesters "Well, you know, as empty nesters we only worry about ourselves now. I have to admit it looks as though you're going to get more rain than we will. Lucky you have the highest room in the house. Also that your house in made of bricks, instead of sticks like ours. I hope Sandy doesn't huff and puff too much."

The IMDB Parent "Looks like you are going to get a 'day after tomorrow' storm. Should I send Dennis Quaid to get you out?"

The Sensible Parent "My mom claims Philadelphia will be swallowed in darkness and burned to the ground and looted by homeless people. Right mom."

The "I'm Pretty Sure We Have the Same Mom" Mom "My mom told me that my roommates and I NEED to sleep in the hall to avoid the glass from windows breaking.  She also mentioned that we could build a fort to make things more fun."

The Mom to End All Moms "Since we had the wood burner for heat and food in our freezer, when we lost power on the farm it was the water that I missed most. I will pass on a couple of ideas you might not have heard of yet. I went through my recycling and took out all containers that would hold water and washed them and filled them with water.  This includes peanut butter/fruit/pickle jars and wine/beer/juice/milk bottles.  If you can find the lids to beer or soda bottles you can even recap them enough to keep foreign particles out.  Even though many of these containers are small, they could hold enough water to wash your hands or face or even drink depending on what was in the original container and if it was washed thoroughly. If you have a wash machine in your house, you can fill it and then stop the wash cycle and the water will be stored in the machine."

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