Sneaky Quaker Strikes Again

The fire alarm just went off during the president's alumni dinner soiree, sending dozens of confused former Quakers out to the College Green. No, it wasn't A-Gutt heating up the room with her golden locks. This photo and our super secret (somewhat fictional) sources tell us it was the sneaky Penn Quaker that set off the alarm in a thinly veiled attempt to steal the presidency. Yeah, he's just as creepy as he looks.