The Anti-Flinger's Guide To Fling
April 11, 2013 at 12:24 pm
There are always a few of you each year--the select bunch who haven't mastered the art of drunk blogging for Writing Seminar. While the rest of campus is praying to the gods of Pong and Porcelain, you're holed up in a Huntsman GSR...which is why we present you with:
The Anti-Flinger's Guide to Fling
1. Start your Fling Friday in the VP Stacks, where we're sure an Independent Study (if you know what we mean) won't do it for ya. Booty call a friend, describing your location with the Dewey Decimal System.2. How desperate is too desperate, you ask? Rising freshmen are fair game. 11th-graders are a no-go--unless they've broken a 2100.
3. On the off-chance you start to envy red cups and the people who hold them, remind yourself that you are classy. Take swigs from the bottle of Poland Spring (without the label, of course) that you snuck into the library, cringing with each swallow. Remind yourself that it's only water.
4. Pretend you have the drunchies and stumble over to 36th and Chestnut, where you'll fill up a large Kiwi cup with…fruit. After all, you have to watch your figure!
5. Invent a fraternity. Haze yourself. Heart your double-big.
6. Finish off your day with a tour de muploads, "liking" only those that required the utmost use of your stalking skills to access. Note that viewing all photographed females is best done with a head tilted to a 45 degree angle.