To-ga Or Not To-ga?

Friends, Romans, countrymen, show me some skin--tastefully, of course. With tonight's toga party rapidly approaching, we have some basics (and you have some privates) to cover, so listen up! NSOgas will be as diverse as Penn's student body--here's what you should expect to see:

The Veni Vidi Vici toga

First coined 2000+ years ago and best recycled by athletes, the "I came, I saw, I conquered" look includes maximum chest hair exposure, designer cologne, and 15 pushups before setting foot outside the Quad. Cover-ups should be rip-able, if possible. Note: Outfit comes with endless sexual innuendos (came, saw, conquered).

The C-Section toga 

Pregnancy jokes aside, there's no way to escape the first week of school, or, should we say, the "birth" of your Penn career. Those of you looking to make a lasting impression may want to include unnatural tears across the middle of your outfit, showcasing "it's what's on the inside that counts." Let's just remember that it was the Greeks who ran around nude; not the Romans.

The "I still work at summer camp" toga

Did you work as a counselor in middle-of-nowhere Pennsylvania at the Jewish sleepaway camp you've gone to every summer since you were eight? Despite your best intentions, it's still nothing like Wet Hot American Summer. But the one perk is your annual trip to Six Flags (aka long bus rides where you gain an "intimate" understanding of your adolescence), the perfect location for winning a Superhero cape. What better time to have a cape double as a toga than during NSO?

The Roman Villa toga

If you arrived on campus by helicopter from West Hampton to a single Quad room, renovated and decorated by your mother's interior designer, this toga's for you. Hand-spun imported silk fabric bedsheets are custom tailored to accentuate your hips, and a laurel wreath headpiece made of pure gold (hand-delivered from the mine halfway around the world owned by your father) will top off the ensemble. Ed. note: Are you single?

The Roman Numeral toga

Are you majoring in CIS? Did you try to time your toga party entrance by aggregating data on student walking behavior and traffic light patterns, optimizing your arrival to the food table accordingly? Still can't get over that fact that every single toga in this room is actually a Mobius strip made from one giant top sheet? Then enjoy your one and only party of the year (unless, of course, you count PennApps Hackathon)!