100 Things I Have To Do Today UGH

Continuing in the spirit of this, here's a kvetchy, Buzzfeedy list of ALL THE THINGS WE HAVE TO DO TODAY (UGH). We probably won't even make it past the first one. Our life is so hard.

1. Wake the fuck up. 2. Take a shower whilst contemplating my future/existence/the universe in general. 3. Put on deodorant. 4. Check to make sure the deodorant didn't get on my shirt. 5. Frantically rub deodorant marks to get them off my shirt. 6. Fill up my water bottle. 7. Endure the mind-numbing process that is waiting for your water bottle to fill up with liquid water. 8. Insta that thing from last night while my water bottle fills up. 9. Throw a load of laundry in (and find 75 cents because UCH charges me for laundry in my own house). 10. Proceed to acquire quarters by going to stores and buying things that cost $1.05 and paying with $2 and asking for the change in all quarters. 11. Feel subsequent wrath of cashier. 12. Debate having a bagel or a croissant for breakfast. 13. Get both. 14. Give some shit to my little to give to her little, who will eventually give it to her little. 15. Conceal a Smirnoff ice in my bag throughout the day so I can give it to my aforementioned little's best friend so he can ice her. 16. Make a list of what I need from CVS. 17. Realize it includes Plan B. 18. Go to the CVS on 43rd and Locust for that, so the guy on 39th Street doesn't judge me. 19. Buy tampons while I'm at it, which is essentially nine bucks I'll never see again. 20. Make an appointment with my major advisor. 21. Send 10,000 emails. 22. Consider changing my email signature to a different major so I look more qualified. 23. Then consider changing more important things, like my cover photo. 24. Be physically present in class. 25. Be mentally present elsewhere. 26. But then nod knowingly when the professor makes eye contact with me. 27. But then go back to not paying attention and open my daily entourage of Internet tabs. 28. Order a pack of gum from Amazon Prime. 29. Get a haircut from the sketchy Italian barber. 30. Text my roommate. 31. Ignore her reply. 32. Wonder why the fuck it's still snowing. 33. Justify not going to my next class both to myself and to others. 34. Eat instead. 35. Tell myself I'll beat the 3 p.m. slump and actually get work done. 36. End up watching Netflix. 37. Continue to wonder how it's possible that it's still freezing. 38. Delete my status that got zero likes in five minutes. 39. Again, contemplate changing my cover photo. 40. Disconnect from AirPennNet. 41. Reconnect to AirPennNet. 42. Daydream about owning a skateboard. 43. Decide to make an appearance at my last class of the day. 44. Sit in the same seat as last time even though seats haven't been assigned since high school. 45. Pretend to do work in Van Pelt. 46. Leave Van Pelt to go to Huntsman. 47. Pretend to do work in Huntsman. 48. Cry. 49. Figure out dinner. 50. Contemplate going broke for legitimate food or bursaring "sushi" from Houston. 51. Pay too much for HubBub. 52. Decide to do work at home because that's where I'm "most productive." 53. Walk up the steps to my house. 54. Swipe into my house. 55. Open the door to my house. 56. Breathe every now and again. 57. Pray for someone to text  me with something urgent so I don’t have to do work. 58. Pout when no one does. 59. Wonder if something is wrong with my phone. 60. Realize my phone is fine. 61. Text someone to see if everything is okay/if there is something urgent I need to address. 62. Check Twitter. 63. Decide to give Huntsman another try. 64. Once there, Google the English translation of Candide that I'm "reading" for my French lit class. 65. Praise Jesus because I find the English translation. 66. Take a study break that in reality lasts twice as long as I was actually doing work. 67. Convert Jimmy Fallon's barbershop version of "Ignition Remix" from a YouTube video to an MP3 file. 68. Realize my headphones weren't in place while making said conversion. 69. Endure judgement from others in 380. 70. Decide to get back to work. 71. Get distracted by an OKCupid message. 72. Worry that others in 380 will see me opening the OKCupid app. 73. Open the message anyway because I'm just looking for love. 74. It's a guy telling me I'm, "so pretty u don't need makeup." 75. Put on makeup. 76. Give up on work and decide to go home. 77. Get to the lobby of Huntsman only to realize I left my laptop charger in the lab. 78. Go back to 380 and get my laptop charger. 79. Walk by a Penn Police officer on the way home and wonder why Penn Walk gets such a bad rap. 80. Consider calling Penn Walk to escort me home. 81. Realize how lonely I am. 82. Check Instagram. 83. "Like" Miley Cyrus' #bangerztour video on Instagram. 84. Finally respond to my mom's text from earlier in the afternoon. 85. Have a second dinner. 86. Have a third dessert. 87. Contemplate showering. 88. Don't shower; wash face instead. 89. Go on Facebook for 47 minutes. 90. Realize I have an assignment due at midnight. 91. Go back on Facebook. 92. Turn in assignment at 11:57 p.m. 93. Decide I should get a good night's sleep so I'll be "well rested" the next day. 94. Get ready for tomorrow. 95. Move stuff from the bag I used today to the one I'm going to use tomorrow. 96. Marvel at how many receipts exist. 97. Take off my pajamas because I really just want to sleep in my underwear. 98. Get in bed. 99. Get out of bed because I forgot to turn off the lights. 100. Check Facebook.