Penn Cracks Down On Errant Cyclists

You there, with your sensible shoes and your hiked-up pants. DID YOU THINK that you could so nonchalantly, slickly maneuver that bicycle through the already-congested sidewalks and walkways of our campus? Run those red lights like you own the place?

Think again, hotshot. You are the human mosquito, and according to the Bicycle Coalition of Greater Philadelphia, you're gonna get squashed. Penn Police have been handing out actual tickets--those signs aren't empty threats! Take your two-wheelers to the death trap of Spruce, and get off of our lawn.