TEXTS FROM FLING, VOLUME IV: The Winners

Thanks for being as crazy as ever, Flingers, and thanks for sending us the damage. Direct from you to UTB, here's our annual compilation of all your telecommunicated, intoxicated indecency. As always, let's relive the rowdy via area code.

The Rules of Feminism (814): Did u find a boy to have sex with (513): No :((((( yes but he took my best frieds vieginity...Crossing a line

The Flinglosopher's Stone(d) (513): I've reached a breaking point in my life I have to not care anymore it's not any of that I feel free not like I'm going to tear down the world but like I'm gonna rise from the ashes comme un phoenix ya sigh

The Too Real Typo (435): How many guys in zbt have you hooked up with? (228): Lox. 

The Lie Witness (214): [Name redacted] please like my coachella photo it's fake but I dot want people to know

The Responsible Flinger (917): Wherr are you now? Im in the wais in my rikm (914): I'm in the quad! Come ride the mechanical bull (917): I fpund a chicken finger in my pockey

The Presidential Pregamer (770): Where are you?!! (770): Where are you actually doe. (770): I'm kinda in the back. Where are you. (678): Obama

Gross (610): you left your condom ;);););)

Turn Down For Pesach (610): I'm a fucking Native American this shit is redder than the sea Moses parted

The Peace & Love Apologist (605): In sorry I chose drugs over you

The Penelope (610): I was born in the darkness you were merely raised there

An Attempted Escape (Student): Are you guibf ti nj??9 (Student): Not English. Are you going to nj? Please take me with you I need to get out of here (Friend's Mom): Who is this (Student): Your mother

The Day Drinker Daydreamer (914): at work lol all alone (914): thnk goodnes bCDRUNK (914): i wihs [name redacted] were here (914): he looks like a husband for me (914): i bet with would have a house on the cape (914): #wharton

The Marry-Upper (832): should i be a princess? should i marry a member of the azerbajani parliament?

The Gaggle Babble (267): But geese drink and they e chillen and up I can do what the geese wanna do 0

The Needed Clarification (914): What r u doing (646): I'm really high in Beijing (646): Not the city (646): The restaurant (646): In case you were confused

Arriba, Allegro (305): I just came from allegory which was literally a dance floor (914): [Name redacted] your whole fling is an allegory (914): "My whole life is thunder" (914): I'm sabsing in allegro alone (914): In a sombrero

The Wannabe Sexter (512): I asked a guy I dated in high school for a dick pic (434): Did y get it (512): No he snapped me back his face and te caption said no

The Chic Check-Up (917): How's ECERYONE (914): Gucci (814): There is someone in a wheel chair with a gas mask scaring children

The Social Networkers (609): I've pushed SOOOO many mofos (914): The guy in front of me is on my littles tinder profile and a picture of me came up

The Nostalgia Queens (305): Guys I'm pretty drunk right now but just saying I rlly think Ashlee Simpson might the voice of our generation (203): FUCK THSI KOREAN JEYBOARD (203): They played good Charlotte at phi del and I cfied

The Fling A.D.D.icts (956): I'm having an adventure alone with strangers on drugs (956): Aww qdoba got visitors!!! (513): There are many columbians around me

The Real Talk (612): guys i literally fell down how kindergarten is that!!?? (203): Magic man or men was dope