The Least Peaceful And Loving Things To Happen During Fling

Deep breaths, deep breaths...FLING WEEKEND IS (ALMOST) HERE!!! How totally psychedelic! Like it or not, we'll be documenting each and every one of your dude-even-the-Quad-security-thought-I-was-sober, oops-no-I'm-definitely-more-drunk-than-I-thought-I-was, well-what-do-we-have-here-I'm-blackout, nahhh-bitch-I-just-blacked-in, and-now-I'm-ready-to-rally, moves beginning Friday (tonight? Thursday?). Read on to find out the least peaceful and loving things that will be taking place sooner than you can say fling, flang, FLUNG.

1. Lines are drawn as the one person who your entire hall hates isn’t invited to the hall pre-game and shows up anyway.

2. You underestimate your drunkenness and try to eat at Commons, getting into a fight with your once favorite employee and forever ruining what used to be a beautiful relationship.

3. Seniors and freshman alike turn a cheek to their vomiting classmates in need just as avidly as they ignore each other on Locust.

4. You physically throw yourself on stage during Penn Dhamaka's performance in the Quad because you just haven't gotten any in awhile.

5. ...the same holds true during Mask & Wig's infamous naked performance.

6. You send the following text to your hookup buddy four times in a row, to no avail: "Meet me on Locust plz and take me to a bathroom. Need 2 vom. Then we sex."

7. You consume an entire handle of Banker's alone in your Quad dorm in the fear that a RA desperate upper classman is going to confiscate it before you can make it to the concert.

8. Both the upstairs and downstairs bathrooms in Copa are out of order and you have nowhere to pee.

9. You call your mom while at a darty because you're wasted and scared and just don't know what to do. She ignores said call.

10. Even a Wawa hoagie and Tastykake peanut butter kandy kakes can't resurrect you for the Saturday night Fling-ale. Don't worry, all will return to normal eventually.

And with that, we wish you a happy fling!