What's HapPENNing?

Could it be? Could this really be the last full week of classes? As you emerge from whatever haze you're in this morning, whether the result of too many bongs, bunnies, or bubbes, get ready to fill up your Google Calendar as we all try to take advantage of these last few fleeting weeks of the semester. But bear with us, because there's a lot of shit going on.

Monday: 11th Annual ABCS Summit Do you do any volunteering? Well you should. Because you're a bad person if you don't. Unlike the people who will be speaking at this event about Academically Based Community Service.

Also on Monday: Penn Dems Speaker: Congressman Chaka Fattah Only until recently did UTB realize that Chaka Fattah is not, in fact, the singer of "I'm Every Woman." (That would be Chaka Khan).

Also ALSO on Monday: An Evening with Rajiv Surendra (Kevin G. from Mean Girls!) Someone is definitely going to ask him to do the rap and it's going to be really uncomfortable. That said, someone please ask him to do the rap and make it really uncomfortable.

Tuesday: Penn Appétit Pie Eating Contest But will the pies look as gourmet as the one in the event's cover photo? (We're guessing 'no'...)

Also on Tuesday: SPEC Film Presents: Jake Johnson and Damon Wayans, Jr.! It's like SPEC said Fling wasn't enough, and decided to GUETTA 'nother celebrity (or two) to visit campus! (We apologize for that awful pun, but we just couldn't resist.)

Also ALSO on Tuesday: The United Minorities Council & The Race Dialogue Project Present: Blinded Not only does this super cool event promote open dialogue, but you get to wear blindfolds while engaging in productive conversation! No peeking ;)

Also also ALSO on Tuesday: Earth Day Tap House Quizzo! Get drunk to uphold Greek reputations on campus support sustainable initiatives at Penn!

Wednesday: Wake Bake ??T Nice try, SDT, but you're three days late.

Also on Wednesday: Let's Get Fermented! Sausages and Sauerkraut with Amanda Peifer Hot dogs or legs?

Thursday: CSSP Does Sweetgreen Wow, these guys must be the first group to think of doing a fundraiser with Sweetgreen! (Not.)

Thursday--Saturday: Penn Dance Presents: Once Upon A Tale Come if you're looking for your Prince Charming--or your Princess Charming. UTB isn't binary!

Friday: Ripe If you're looking to get down and get funky, then this is the concert for you. Fruit not included.

Friday--Saturday: Penn Film Fest UME's first annual showcase of professional, independent, and student-made films. There better be popcorn.

Also on Friday--Saturday: West Philly Swingers Presents: The Lord of the Swings The name of this event honestly just confuses us, because we can't think of one single similarity between swing dancing and The Lord of the Rings. 

Also ALSO on Friday--Saturday: PenNaatak Presents: Not Quite A Western Front We bet they'll take it personally if you choose one of the other two events taking place at the same time over them.

Saturday: Stamped Spring Issue Launch Party! If there's one thing no Penn student has ever done, it's travel around the world. Luckily, Stamped Magazine is here to explain what that international lifestyle is all about!

Also on Saturday: Sigma Kappa WING BOWL Do the 215 proud by chowin' down on some wings, and benefiting Alzeheimer's research while you're at it.

Saturday--Sunday: The Pennchants Present Natural Selection: An Underdog Story | The 25th Anniversary Show  What's longer: the length of this event's title, or how long Pennchants has been around?

Also on Saturday--Sunday: Penn Monologues 2014 An annual production written and performed by your peers, that we very much encourage you to attend. For real! Stop reading this in that sarcastic voice you assume we're implying. We can be serious when we need to be, okay?!

Sunday: Penn Ballet Presents: Don Quixote! Spend your Sunday afternoon pretending you're sophisticated enough to attend a ballet performance, and not commit whatever crude acts you did the night before.

Did we forget anything? Let us know in the comments! Peep events@penn for more things to do instead of homework.