A Finals-Time Pop Song

This winter we brought you a poem to soothe your aching, finals-cramming soul. But now it's spring, and all we wanna do is get up and DANCE! So instead, enjoy this certainly-still-culturally-relevant parody of Katy Perry's seminal summer (2010) hit California Gurls.

Greetings, stressed ones. Let’s take a journey.

I! know a place Where the carrels smell like sadness.. Warm, dark and tense— It’s enough to conjure madness.

Sippin, double shots Of the caffeine-rich variety Scrolling, power points With unfortunate sobriety

You could travel the worl-ld But unfortunately, you’d still have to take finals Once you’ve missed the add/drop date, You’re in the same boat as the rest of us, Oo-ooh, o00-oooh

Finals time at Penn It’s indescribable Blessed and stressed all at the same time Sure we’re psyched to have the opportunity But jesus christ I mean, we haven’t slept since Fling.

Finals time at Penn, Kind of incredible, Think of how much shit we get done! Can’t avoid it so we must embrace it— Could finals possibly be—dare we say—fun? (Nope.)

Think, of the days When we’ll be glad to have this knowledge (oh-oh) Yeah, we’re burnt out, but check out where we go to college (Ooh-ooh)

You could SEPTA the world But nothing comes close to the home of the thrown toast Once you’ve taken these te-ests, You’ve got to go back to the suburbs (Oh no!)

[Snoop Amy]

Tired, fried Recently cried Trying hard to summon that Quaker Pride, Caffeine levels gettin’ abnormal Still a little big hungover from formal Wish we were getting paid Or maybe getting laid Instead this test’s 60% of our grade so Summoning a genie like Ms. Aguilera Haven’t been to lecture since the prehistoric era Finals tears smudgin’ up our mascara but we’ll soon Guetta grip Cause we really do care about--

Finals time at Penn, Seems insurmountable But we’ll make it through—we have, every time! Take deep breaths, Keep calm and read UTB—

WA-OH WA-OH

Pennsylvaniaaaa, Pennsylvaniaaa gurls...

(This song doesn’t really END, does it...But feel free to record this version and submit to tips@underthebutton.com.)