(Penn Police Officers: DO NOT READ THIS) The Best Places To Smoke Weed On Campus
September 28, 2014 at 9:19 pm
Yo, if you haven't heard, Mayor Nutter is slated to sign a bill that'll decriminalize marijuana. The bad news? Penn could give a dusty fuck. Because as this PhillyMag article (ugh) points out, campus administration will be maintaining its disciplinary policies regardless.
The article also GENEROUSLY reveals all the hip smoking spots that we've been trying to keep secret for years, like the Biopond, which most definitely very few people knew about and it honestly sucks that everyone knows about it now. The article even weirdly hyperlinks to the precise Google Maps coordinates of these places. Anyway, now that our extremely secret smoking spots are public knowledge, it's time to find some new ones. So without further ado about nothing, here's our list of NEW best places to smoak da green on campus.
1. Directly in front of College Hall, i.e. green on the Green
2. The Rave's "Media Immersion Room"
3. Wawa
4. The Rooftop Lounge cuz, y'know, High Rises
5. In the Jimmy John's stock room
6. Penn Bookstore, Teen Fiction section
7. Inside a Vagelos fume hood
8. Dean Furda's office—get as high as the acceptance rate is low
9. TEP (non-ironically)
10. TEP (ironically)
11. At the bag check desk in Van Pelt
12. Underneath a DRL smoke alarm—everyone will thank you as they evacuate
13. Room 420 at the Inn at Penn
14. In the Singh Center cantilever—they have a high tech ventilation system
15. The Fishbowl in Towne—smoke a bowl in the bowl, y'know?
16. In front of the Love statue, in memory of that hideous smokestack
17. Stoner Courtyard at the Penn Museum—it's literally called that, look it up
18. Pottruck, duh
19. Career Services office
20. The Admissions Office, between January and March
21. Next to a squirrel
22. The Office of MBA Admissions and Financial Aid in Huntsman
23. Beneath your RA's bed
24. The bulletproof glass booths that quad security guards sit in
25. The secret mole kingdom accessible only via a passage hidden under The Button
DO NOT TELL ANYBODY ABOUT THESE LOCATIONS. Unless you want a PhillyMag article to reveal, or a Penn administrator to be stationed at each and every one of these spots, KEEP THEM SECRET! Spread the word by liking and sharing this article. Okay? Okay.