Spotify Told The Whole World We Have Crappy Music Taste

Spotify played creepy corporate big brother this week and named us the 34th most musical school in the country based on subscriptions and listening habits. Unlike most of the ranking bullshit-storm, though, they actually released a pretty detailed breakdown of how we get down. Hint: Playboy def won't be inviting us to DJ one of their parties anytime soon. The highlights:

1. We can hate on SPEC all we want but we're kinda down with Magic Man. And now DARLING. All that [fling] shit's BEHIND US. You know we held on TOO MUCH. 

2. Amy Gutmann Time 2 Shine mind control program is complete. John Legend is officially stuck in all our heads and we like it.

3. Why go to a sweaty frat basement when you can enjoy sweaty frat basement music right from your own home? Rage rage rage rage rage rage rage rage rage rage rage

4. We really don't like it when there are words in our music. Words are hard.

4. Spotify knows we skip all our 9AMs. The sad part is the people who are getting 9.5 hours a night are also probably the ones killing the curve. We hate you. Tell us your secrets.

5. We like Ingrid Michaelson way more than we should so that's embarrassing but it's okay because we're ranked 8th in hotttnesss? Not sure what that means but yay. This is a really big deal and we should all post this on our timelines stat. 

Keep on keepin' on, kids. You listen to your Maroon 5 on private and keep pretending no one's watching even though they're definitely watching.