Flyerer of the Week: Hammock Edition

This week we wanted to shake things up, so we brought a Locust vendor into the mix. Odds are you've seen this woman today, and lucky for us, she really didn't hold back! Read on to hear everything she had to say:

Alright, I’m trying to buy a hammock for our Under the Button office.

Let me tell you something, watch this…

I’m watching.

Are you watching?

Yup, I’m watching.

……….They’re bungee hammocks! I make them in my living room!  The guy in this building right behind me ran in, he’s collecting money from the people who live there to buy this blue one right here. 

How much weight can they hold?

This one 350 lbs., some of the fabrics like this thin camouflage gossamer has a weight limit of 225lbs and I juuust make it.  When I start marketing, I’m gonna market to rehab centers because there are so many people who just can’t move, who just have physical challenges.

You are a genius!

THANKS.  For year’s I’ve been a photographer, in fact for years I did the University of Pennsylvania portrait book for 1999, it’s in the bookstore.  But now I turn down throw jobs (?) because I’d much rather be making these.

Do you mind if I try one??

Wait one second, I’m gonna raise it one notch.  Put the seam behind the back of your knees?-it’s completely adjustable—.  People get in and they’re like “oh my god, you ought to be on shark tank,” but they’re not very nice. 

It looks like it’s about rain, will it get ruined in the rain?

I turned down Bill Gates for a date here at Penn back in 1974, that’s how smart I am.  If I’d have said yes, we wouldn’t have computers.  So the rope goes high up on the tree, loop it through, and then attach the carabineers.  They go up in a minute, come down in 30 seconds.  But you won’t need to take them down, the rip stock nylon is silicon treated, so they’re water resistant and you can just shake the water out.

Well if you’re smart enough to turn down Bill Gates, I’m sold.  Only problem is, I don’t have trees to attach these to in my dorm room!

I have one in my living room.  It’s a brick wall, and I put in a 4 inch ledge shield and then four inch bolts.  I put two posts, pressure treated, 4 by 4 inch concrete in my living room.  2 posts, 1 hammock.  3 posts, 3 HAMMOCKS. 

You should have in-house demonstrations!

I don’t…because my living room has become a little factory.  No more dinner parties. You know what you could do though? You should set one of these up outside and pretend to be reading. When you’re in church, you know how you fall asleep and say you’re just meditating?  Well, I’m a Quaker and we close our eyes for a full hour.  Somebody’s snoring, just give them an elbow.  Also when I camp—you know, there are many camic campers.

You mean, pamic pampers.

No sorry, Hammock Campers. This one is my summer favorite, it’s not treated with silicon, but you can sleep on it sideways and be off the ground!  The air goes through, the sun goes through, if they get dirty, YOU WIPE THEM OFF!        

(Random parent walks by): “Are you her son?”

Yeah, she’s putting me through school with these things! 

*at this point in the interview, I turn to her and ask if I can try to sell one to this random parent, to which she agrees*

So these things are great, you can sleep on them diagonally.  Mom won’t let me put my feet on this one, but you should hop on!

*she tries to hop on, but I accidentally told her to get on one that was just attached to her pop-up tent, and the tent almost comes crashing down but the hammock lady ran over and stopped her just in time*

Hammock Lady: “No no no no no!   Don’t get on that one!!!”

Random parent: “Oh no, I’m so sorry”

Hammock Lady: “But you can try this blue one!”

Random parent: “No, it’s okay….”

Hammock Lady: “OH COME ON, YOU HURT MY FEELINGS!”

Random parent’s husband: “We’ll come back…”

I don’t think I’d be able to read or study in these things.

No no no, actually you’d get better grades. When you surrender yourself to comfort, you tend to get better grades. 

Can I have your card or do you have a website?

I can’t even have a website!  You know why?  They sell out!  I may well sell out today, I’ve already sold 2 in the first hour I’ve been open.  Are you still interviewing me?  You better write this stuff down!

I actually record, I’ve been recording this whole time!

Random parent chimes back in: “Oh you’ve been recording the whole thing?  My name is Pat Schaefer from Toledo, Ohio!”

Oh, why thank you!  I think you’re gonna make a killing on these hammocks, good luck!

You know what I need?  I need somebody from Wharton.

Don’t we all?

I need a Wharton business partner to help me sell these things.  Are you in Wharton?

Nah, but Huntsman Hall is right down that way!  You better get a little more dressy before you step foot in there though!

Thanks, I’ll check it out!