Not Even The Best At Being The Worst, Penn Fails Yet Again
October 12, 2014 at 3:27 pm
The folks at Time recently got bored reporting on relevant things like epidemics and terrorism to evaluate the hugely important dating lives of recent college graduates.
Now, we know Penn’s been slacking/crushing it in rankings as of late, but really, REALLY? 8th worst? That means Penn students managed to out-awkward 308 out of 316 schools. Let's be real though. Students from Babson probably sound more exotic considering no one knows what Babson even is. Colgate kids probably get by with their pearly whites and Northwesterners just need a meatshield to defend them from the frigid Chicago wind.
But Penn has something to offer, right? The toast thing is funny, yeah? And surely everyone loves a good story about chomping on Styrofoam hats. No? Oh well, let’s all agree to keep on obsessively reaffirming our worth as Ivy League students and hooking-up like there’s no tomorrow. If you find yourself up late, wrapped in a Snuggie sipping boxed wine out of a coffee mug wondering why he never called you back, at least appreciate the bright side: we’re finally better than Princeton at something.