100 Things To Do While Waiting For The High Rise Elevators

From the hooligans who brought you 100 Things I Have To Do Today, Ugh, and got retweeted by Wawa for loving them so much, comes what can only be described as a collaboration of epic proportions. 

In tandem with the DP Housing Guide, here are 100 Things To Do While Waiting For The High Rise Elevators! Feel free to try some out, but we have to insist that you proceed with caution.

1. Graduate, get married, have kids.
2. Write a 10-page essay.
3. Schedule a 10-minute block for crying
4. File your taxes.
5. Make a status about how slow the elevators are.
6. Remind yourself that this is still better than Hill.
7. Daydream about traveling the world.
8. Burst into song.
9. Check your phone at least 4 times.
10. Time how long it takes to reach your floor each day and make a graph for the year.
11. Plan your life.
12. Bet on which of the 4 elevators will get to you first
13. Read the college house event flyers for the 18th time.
14. Memorize the names of your college house's staff.
15. Make awkward, sustained eye contact with at least one other waiting person.
16. Press the up (or down) button one more time just to make sure.
17. Pace.
18. Give up and use the stairs. Yes, the last resort.
19. Make a stop at the mailroom.
20. Make a mental checklist of all the work you have to do tonight.
21. Read UTB on your phone.
22. Estimate the time you’ll be going to bed tonight.
23. Come up with an amazing rebuttal to the argument you had a week ago.
24. Get a lockout key.
25. Flirt with the Allied Barton guard.
26. Call Penn Ride and see if they'll take you upstairs.
27. Order Mizu and have them deliver to the left elevator.
28. Tinder someone, get to know them and set up a date.
29. Swipe right on 100 women.
30. Burst into tears.
31. Apply to transfer housing into Sansom West.
32. Get your hour of cardio in.
33. Write and proofread your thesis.
34. Complete OCR and accept a job offer.
35. Fix all the issues we still have with Gryphon.
36. Walk to DRL, turn in your astro homework, skip lecture, and walk back.
37. Wonder if everyone in said elevator knows you’re going to/leaving your hookup’s.
38. Write your own obituary.
39. Have a BYO.
40. Instagram that pic of you and your Big.
41. Get 11 likes on it, which would be an accomplishment, except that you’re waiting so long for the damn elevators that you should’ve gotten more.
42. Go abroad and come back with like, so many cool stories.
43. Start dating someone.
44. Break up with him/her because you’re not looking for anything long-term.
45. Single handedly finish the construction of Hill 2.0.
46. Meditate.
47. Switch religions.
48. Get all your studying done so that you don’t even need to go to the RTL anymore.
49. Run a full marathon.
50. Pay off your student loans.
51. Write thank-you notes for your Bat Mitzvah presents.
52. Go on Birthright.
53. Take a sip of water.
54. Cough.
55. Make eye contact with your freshman hall mate. Say nothing.
56. Tour all the Ivy League universities.
57. Have a six-course meal.
58. Learn to bartend.
59. Identify the person who would die first in the elevator if it got stuck indefinitely.
60. Finish two Harry Potter books and movies.
61. Carve a marble statue.
62. 18 billion jumping jacks.
63. Set tomorrow morning’s alarm.
64. Consider the fact that this is all meaningless. Meaningless waiting, waiting, waiting - and for what? To get to where? The frantic pace at which people operate their daily lives is heart-pounding, and ultimately, meaningless - time is a construct of human perception - animals don’t measure the estimated date of a solar eclipse or when they were birthed out of uterus canals or neatly separate the world into 24-hour increments. Only humans feel the compulsive need to categorize their day in that sort of way. Oh wow, I need some more sleep.
65. Drink 8 glasses of water.
66. Send a Snapchat of your shoes with the caption “waiting for high rise elevator.”
67. Get caught up on all the GroupMes you’ve been ignoring.
68. Refresh your Facebook feed. Then close the app and refresh again. Repeat until something happens.
69. Write a letter to your future self.
70. Reschedule your 10-minute crying session for later in the evening because you’re going to be late.
71. Consider going to Pottruck.
72. Start beat-boxing.
73. Start box-beating. Literally find some cardboard boxes and start pummeling them.
74. Complain about your math professor to anyone who will listen.
75. Tie or tighten your shoelaces.
76. Remind yourself that this is an Ivy League elevator, so that the wait will be worth it.
77. Estimate how much weight you gained today.
78. Start writing the prologue to your autobiography using your phone’s Notes app.
79. Plan your costume for next Halloween.
80. Finish your first year of med school.
81. Start a startup.
82. Manually calculate your GPA.
83. Position yourself near the closest elevator.
84. Choreograph your step into the elevator, button press, and withdrawal into the corner.
85. Mentally prepare as the elevator reaches sub-10th floor
86. Tell yourself “this is it” and remember all the times you’ve gotten on an elevator before.
87. Recite a short prayer in your head and/or listen to your pump-up song.
88. Take a moment to remember all the people who have waited for elevators before you.
89. Press the ‘up’ button a fourth time.
90. Wonder how many people have hooked up in the elevator.
91. Have a Lifetime movie based on your time in the elevator.
92. This entire list was written while waiting for a high rise elevator.
93. Think about every story you’ve heard about people getting stuck in elevators and wonder if these are the kinds of people that you want to be stuck in an elevator with.
94. Think about the hit Hollywood blockbuster “Devil” and imagine who, out of this line of people waiting, is the devil.
95. Finally get around to reading The Odyssey and The Iliad so that you can relate to your friends at Columbia.
96. Read a dictionary cover-to-cover.
97. Take an LSAT.
98. Facebook-stalk your elementary school boyfriend.
99. Facebook-stalk your elementary school boyfriend’s girlfriend.
100. Revel in his downgrade.