Ariana Grande To Headline...As A Penn Student!

[Disclaimer: This post was part of our annual Joke Day series. As if we would ever use this font seriously.]

We’ve got a new Quaker in town! Sources close to the singer say that Ariana Grande is coming to Penn next fall to pursue her bachelor’s degree in Astronomy. She’s been shooting for the stars in recent months, so it only makes sense that she’d want to spend the next four years in DRL learning about the cosmos. Rumor has it that the original title of “Problems” was in fact “Problem Sets,” before Big Sean complained that it “had too much math. Why are we doing a song about math?”

Though Grande’s reps have so far denied any affiliation with the university, they’re probably just waiting for the right time to release the news. Perhaps when she’s performing with Juicy J at Fling this year? Regardless, it’s exciting to think that we'll have another musical Penn alum to speak at commencement!