Random Dude At A Party, Vol. 6

A certain overzealous UTB freshman staffer got a teensy bit too inebriated and took what he thought at the time were really insightful, artsy abstract portraits. IRL they were just blurry pics of a couch. With no one sitting on it. #buzzednotblackout, guys. Consequently, as is the case with all good hookups at Penn, this random dude shall remain both nameless and faceless. If you need a mental picture of this mysterious random dude, sources close to our UTB frosh say the RDAP in question was "loud," "Indian," and "scruffy." 

UTB: Okay, we're doing random dude at a party.

RDAP: Okay, we need to move this to the living room. We must listen to A$AP Ferg. 

UTB: What would you do if you were the first person to milk the first cow, the very first cow in existence? 

Other person who kept interjecting: Kill the cow. Fuck the cow. 

Yet another random person: He would suck the utters.

RDAP: I WOULD NOT SUCK THE UTTERS. I WOULD DRINK THE MILK.

Interjecter: KILL IT.

Other random person: IF YOU WANT STUPID ANSWERS FIND A FRESHMAN.

RDAP: IS IT AN ARABIC COW?

UTB: Why do you think the very first person milked the cow?

Interjecter: They should die.

RDAP: They were infatuated with the nipples of the cow. 

UTB: Are you in the hohoho mood?

RDAP: I am a Jew and I find that offensive. 

UTB: How do you feel about Penn squirrels?

RDAP: Penn what? 

UTB: PENN SQUIRRELS.

RDAP: OK, I feel like there's this irrational obsession with squirrels, like, they get way more attention than they need.

UTB: And what would you do if a human sized squirrel happened? 

RDAP: Smack him in the face...and then walk away. I do not wanna interact with that squirrel.