20(19) Things More Likely To Happen At Penn Than You Being Admitted

Decisions for Penn's Class of 2019 go live today at 5:00 p.m. With a tie for the lowest acceptance rate in history, applicants who aren't legacies face great uncertainty. Emotions will be high as the evening approaches and the acceptance page crashes as Penn welcomes 9.9% of applicants to the Class of 2019. To keep things in perspective, we've compiled a list of 19 things that are more likely to happen at Penn than an undergraduate admission.

1. All men in your life have a man bun: 41.7%
2. OCR gets moved to Freshman fall: 17.1%
3. The pipes in your house froze more than once during winter: 26.3%
4. William Street Commons is somehow connected to Cafe Renata's fire: 10.0%
5. The Locust Walk geofilter is extended beyond the elite enclave of the Huntsman lobby: 12.1%
6. Amy Gutmann moonlights as a Lyft driver to pass the time in the evening: 13.5%
7. Kesha gets too drunk to perform at Fling: 84.3%
8. John Legend steps in at the last minute: 90.6%
9. Dean Furda cut a few kids at the end to keep the admissions rate in the single digits: 99.9%
10. Starbucks Under Commons is closed down by the Starbucks corporate office: 80.3%
11. You get caught by the bouncer when you steal toilet paper at Harvest: 22.5%
12. The empty space on the fifth floor of Van Pelt becomes a Canada Goose runway show: 45.3%
13. Malia Obama chooses Penn out of the relevant Ivies: 20.0%
14. SmarterChild is discovered to be the bot that stole all the floor passes: 76.3%
15. One of your Tinder matches is also your TA: 39.7%
16. You care enough about poorly scheduled airport shuttles to vote in the UA election: 34.0%
17. Dean Furda is actually the Penn Quaker: 98.9%
18. A major publication tries to create a controversy surrounding Penn Culture: 58.9%
19. You were one of the lucky 2,420 that snuck in Early Decision: 54.4%

Congratulations, new Baby Quakers. We look forward to seeing your fresh and vibrant faces on campus in a few months.