Things That Accomplish More Than The UA

UA Elections are great because they're something that some people care about a lot, and most others care about very little — what an exciting dichotomy! Today is voting day, so regardless of whether or not you'll be taking to the polls, actively exercising your constitutional right to abstain, or writing in a name like some sort of asshole, it's important to remember that this whole process is largely without consequence (although we appreciate the yearly airport shuttles). Apart from the absurdities of last year's UA "trial," it seems that little has actually been done in the past twelve months, so here's a list of people and things that tend to accomplish more than our Undergraduate Assembly. 

-Penn kids the day after fake St. Paddy's

-The people who think that complaining on the SPEC Facebook is the most practical way to bring about social justice

-Vanity Fair fact-checkers 

-The government shut-down of 2013

-This initiative to petition for a snow day 

-Greek austerity measures

-Bears in the dead of winter

-The 1961 Bay of Pigs invasion 

-Going to the library with a dead computer

-The wild turkey currently roaming the high rises

-The cops who hang out at Beijing

-The clothing sales at United by Blue

-University efforts to stop underaged drinking at Fling

But despite the overall ineffective nature of the Undergraduate Assembly, it's the bureaucracy that we're indifferent to, not the candidates! All the people running seem to be truly sparkling representatives of political ambition and we wish them the best of luck.