?Where You Put Your Jacket At Smoke's And What It Says About You: A UTB Primer

The 1st day of Spring may be around the corner, but warm weather is not yet in sight. Which means the age-old problem of what-do-I-do-with-my-jacket-at-social-events persists. Nowhere does this dilemma exist as much as it does at Smoke's, the humble abode of His Majesty Kweder, to whom we would walk 500 miles to see that Brown-Eyed Man.

Whether you show up to Smokey Joe's from Blarney Quizzo, via VP, or by way of your off-campus house that's so close by that you pick up a weak WiFi signal from the men's bathroom, you've gotta put your coat somewhere.

Do you leave it under the bar? On stage? In a location so secretive that only you know where it is? Here, UTB judges you for where in the bowels of that hallowed bar you dispose of your warmest assets:

Under the stairs right when you enter

You're so desperate to show your shoulders on the dance floor that you can't even walk three feet before dumping your coat and running. You possess enormous faith that it will be there upon your return, and you're not afraid to get on your hands and knees to search for your Canada Goose among the flock, a feat as simple as sorting red and green M&Ms while colorblind.

In a booth

You casually toss your coat into the nearest booth, a great idea if your jacket is resistant to alcohol spills. You also probably remove your valuables (phone, keys, fake ID, 17 singles you received as change after paying cover), and stuff them into your pants pocket, making them look bulge-y and awkward. It's ok. You're not much of a dancer anyway. 

No coat

The long walk from the Radian is freezing [Ed note: Take Uber], but we commend you for skirting the whole jacket issue altogether. Our advice? Drink up. It makes the trip home a lot warmer.

That weird kitchen-like area to the left of the bathrooms that always has lots of cardboard boxes and a coffee maker

Smokes, we're told, is a functioning restaurant for West Philly people during the day. So it kinda makes sense for there to be a kitchenette near the stage. If this is your go-to spot for shoving your coat, you're a little paranoid--but at least you've never gone home without it, right? And for those of you reading this all excited that we exposed a major hiding spot, do us a favor and abide by the unwritten rule of don't-steal-my-shit-and-I-won't-steal-yours.

Awkwardly hold it the entire time

So you have a drink in your non-dominant hand, a jacket folded over your elbow, and your other arm free for hugging. Or is it jacket around the waist, leaving both hands free? Or no drink, hold the jacket like your fingers are a closet hanger, leaving your other hand for high-fives/hand-shakes/half-hugs? No matter how you slice it, it's awkward. Almost as awkward as trying to rip shots with your Econ TA. Our advice: don't hold the jacket. Just plan ahead.