100 People You'll See At Fling

It's hump day. It's Wednesday. IT'S HERE. If you're one of the chosen few who doesn't have a 9 a.m. recitation tomorrow or a problem set due Friday, then FLING. HAS. FLUNG. Follow along as we count down the 100 kinds of people you'll inevitably see in the Quad, at Franklin Field, next to you in bed, or with their heads in your toilet, from now until Saturday night (Sunday morning?).

1. That guy from Tinder
2. That other guy from Tinder
3. Philadelphia cops arresting someone
4. Penn Police not arresting someone
5. Everyone who has run for the UA ever
6. Penn Samba, AKA people you know who you didn't know were in Penn Samba
7. John Legend
8. Kesha
9. Dean Furda
10. Dean DeTurck 
11. Narcs dressed as narcs
12. Narcs dressed as Penn students
13. Penn students dressed as narcs
14. Alumni who you never thought you'd see again
15. Every couple you hate
16. The couple who just can't stop drunkenly making out
17. That bitch from your lab group covered in glitter
18. The drunk guy who tries to start a chant of some sort
19. The girl who just can't
20. The girl who just can
21. The dude with the fried Oreos 
22. The a cappella group that drank too much pre-Quad performance
23. The (only) a cappella group that didn't drink pre-Quad performance
24. The kids who used bots to get floor passes
25. The bots (who used kids to get floor passes?)
26. The kids who dropped bank to get floor passes
27. The kids who are still complaining about not getting floor passes
28. The kid who claimed he had floor passes
29. Stephen
30. The high school junior dirty dirty rushing Theos
31. The kid who walks up to you on your porch asking what frat this is
32. The person who is consuming alcohol for the first time EVER
33. The person to whom you sent a naked Snapchat but never responded
34. The person who sent YOU a naked Snapchat but YOU never responded
35. The people who are pumped that Qdoba will be open late 
36. The people trying to BYO Sweetgreen 
37. Those annoying people who think they're the first people ever to BYO Commons
38. Quad security guards who hate their jobs
39. Quad security guards who love their jobs
40. The people who wear their class-sponsored Fling tanks
41. The people who paid to make Fling tanks for their friend groups 
42. Your old hallmate with whom you made brunch plans 2 years ago but both of you know you don't actually give a shit about following through on them 
43. Those people who think Everclear is still a thing outside of Junior Prom
44. That girl who uses the word "rally" too much
45. That girl's high school friend who goes to Boston College and just wants to see what a real live college party is like who will also end up puking in the alley next to PiKapp all night 
46. That person who actually owns a selfie stick
47. The first guy you made out with at Penn
48. The second guy you made out with at Penn
49. The first girl you made out with ever
50. The Smoke's bouncer who never lets you in
51. That guy whose name you forget that you hung out with the first night of NSO
52. That girl with whom you did your Econ problem set but who won't acknowledge you on Locust
53. Someone throwing up in Chipotle 
54. Some bitch with a bottle of Jack
55. Someone who looks sort of scared
56. People taking pictures
57. People photobombing said pictures
58. People who don't know they're in said pictures because they're drunk but will find out in two weeks when they're scrolling through their newsfeed 
59. Someone who has rolled once and wants to tell everyone how much fun rolling is
60. Someone wearing an ambiguous costume
61. A dude in a green nylon bodysuit
62. Someone who will guilt you for not going to his/her a cappella show for the second weekend in a row
63. Someone screaming at Quad security because he/she forgot his/her Penn Card 
64. Someone shoeless
65. Someone wearing shoes on his/her hands
66. A sweaty shirtless guy who's rubbing against other people
67. Someone leaving VP because they actually comprehend that Fling comes at the most inopportune time of the semester and it makes much more sense to study than to get fucked up for 4-5 days straight 
68. Someone slumped around a corner
69. Someone slumped around a bench
70. Some girl who refuses to exit a moonbounce 
71. Someone you've had sex with who is somehow friends with everyone else you've had sex with
72. Someone weirdly drinking hot coffee
73. Someone weirdly drinking iced coffee
74. Someone who is throwing bagels at people
75. A confused bro wondering what happened to all the eggs from the Kegs 'n Eggs darty 
76. That girl who dyed her hair for Fling
77. That girl wearing a flower crown
78. That other girl wearing a flower crown
79. That girl wearing fringe because she thinks she's at Coachella
80. That guy who will make you feel bad for not attending a theatrical performance during Fling
81. A gaggle of dudes in tanks and Sperrys with no socks (though we suppose this is no different from any other Spring day on Penn's campus)
82. The kid who lost his friends
83. Someone whose gaze you avoided on Locust when he or she flyered at you 
84. That girl you met during Quaker Days who asked how many APs you took your junior year of high school
85. The annoying kid from your class Facebook group who friended everyone within an hour of acceptance emails being sent
86. The pre-frosh who chose the wrong (right?) weekend to tour campus
87. The person who friended you during NSO and won't stop inviting you to IAA events now even though you have no interest in IAA and haven't talked to that person in two years
88. The person you hooked up with Thursday night
89. The person you hooked up with Friday morning
90. The person you hooked up with Friday afternoon
91. The person you hooked up with Friday night
92. The person you hooked up with Saturday morning 
93. The person you hooked up with Saturday afternoon
94. The person you hooked up with Saturday night
95. The dude who thinks Kesha is performing in the Quad on Saturday
96. The dude who is only going to the concert to see Kygo
97. The dude who says he's only going to the concert to see Kygo but is actually there for Kesha
98. The kid who can't keep his frats straight
99. The kid on Sunday who is in denial that Fling is over 
100. The kid who isn't on this list – there's bound to be someone!