Do's And Don'ts Of Flyering

Flyerers. You know 'em. You (probably don't) love 'em. And, at the end of the day, you can't really get rid of them. So instead we've decided to give some suggestions. Follow this advice and we just might make eye contact with you next time we're on Locust.

Do

• Dance. Because everyone knows if you’re not dancing you’re not really flyering.
• On a similar note we’d love to see some dance offs between different flyerers. We’re thinking Step Up 4: Ivy Edition.
• Interrupt any and all tour groups. Think about how many people came to Penn because some rando yelled flyered at them on Locust.
• Play music. It’ll make any awkward eye contact a lot more bearable.
• Give out free food. It’s truly foolproof. Bonus points if the food has nothing to do with what you’re flyering for.
• Better yet: just make your flyer food. There's no better way to advertise a downtown than with a Loft Bar cookie.
• Wear a costume of human genitalia.
• Or a banana costume, that’s cool too.
• Make awkward eye contact with your friends so that they feel obligated to take your flyer as to not put a wedge in your friendship.
• Make it known that you take payment on Venmo. It'll make you seem hip, cool, and trendy.
• Pretend to be a spy and covertly hand someone a flyer while whispering to them, “Take this. It’s your secret mission.” But don't be surprised when they probably don't come.
• Slip a dollar bill along with your flyer – all the other flyerers will want to know your secrets.
• Keep an eye out for that one person who takes every flyer – they’re probably writing Flyperlatives for UTB. Hate to burst your bubble – we’d love to go to that dance show in Houston, but we've got important news to report on.
• Tell prospective students’ parents how hungover you are.
• Print your flyer in a good font. Unless you’re trying to be ironic. Then, Comic Sans it up.
• Yell provocative things. Whether they relate to your event or not is unimportant. Sex sells. 
• Ignore us if we just came out of an exam and look like we’re about to publicly cry. College campuses are hotspots for public crying.

Don't

• Chase us down Locust. Though we may be wearing workout clothes, that’s no reason to make us actually run.
• Get so crazy Penn Police have to get involved. Or maybe do. We’re not sure. They might buy a ticket.
• Stand in the middle of Locust and make us late for recitation. We understand that your art show is life changing, but our coffee before class is essential.
• Flyer to West Philly Locals. We’re pretty sure they don’t want to come to your philanthropy event at Sweetgreen.
• Give us a large book of religious text. We never do our readings anyways.
• Stand on a soap box and tell us that we're all sinners and that the end is near.
• Make your flyer look like a dollar bill so that people take it and become quickly disappointed.
• Put near-nude women on the flyer for your downtown. Sex sells. Misogyny doesn’t.
• Make us feel bad. When we ignore you after you scream, “Do you care about poverty and world hunger?” we feel pretty shitty.
• Print your flyer in Comic Sans, unless it’s ironic.