Drugs Aren't The ONLY Thing You Shouldn't Pay For Over Venmo

Hopefully by now all of you have heard about the sophomore at Columbia who got arrested earlier this week for dealing a variety of drugs on campus. Alas, these things happen in college. But what makes this tale of substance abuse all the more bewitching is that he was caught for absurdly insisting that the people soliciting drugs pay him over Venmo as long as the caption was "something funny." It's likely that he probably doesn't think it's that funny now. 

Venmo is awesome for those wishing to go cashless, but this might be an example of an industry that should probably continue to rely on paper currency. Reportedly now the people who bought from him are now worried that they, too, will be implicated in this spectacle of people being dumb. For those concerned about what is and what is not considered "Venmo appropriate," here is a list of other things not to pay for using the popular app:

- Ivory in any form

- Rocket propelled grenades

- "Can" instead of "Cab"

- Plutonium

- Facebook likes

- Dues to AXO nationals

- Any and all organs

- An internship with Morgan Stanley

- Access to the Theos listserv

- The stolen works of Claude Monet (other impressionists are probably chill though)

- Commons brunch

- Donations to the Koch brothers

- Illegally procured rubies

- The guy you paid to burn down Cafe Renata

- Blowjobs

- Traffic tickets

- Tickets received for participating in trafficking

- Underaged drinking (it's illegal you guys!)

So there we have it. Hopefully this will remind all of us to check ourselves before making a questionable Venmo payment with life-ruining potential. Happy Thursday!