?Fling 2k15: A Comprehensive Guide

Fling is a “Pennstitution,” as the real journalists say. Here’s how to navigate campus once things start going mad.

Friday:

Early Morn: 

Fling has arrived, or for some, has been here since Tuesday night. Leave your academic worries and begin pregaming, regardless of the hour. Have recitation? BYO that; no one will know there’s some party juice in your Nalgene or Irish coffee in your Wawa cup. As your inhibitions drop, watch your class participation and/or foreign language abilities soar. Who says Fling and academia can’t go hand in hand?

Afternoon – options abound:

• Off campus: Drink covertly from your Urban Outfitters statement flask (or can we recommend one of these?) as you darty with the movers and shakers of tomorrow. Catching a Kweder performance is a must. Take advantage of random frat houses used as drinking stations if you prefer Bankers and defizzed Sprite. We won’t judge.
• Quad: Join the drunken revelers at one of Penn’s most beautiful spots. Grab some fried Oreos, ride the mechanical bull (not in that order) and check out some twenty-minute performances that each warrant their own Facebook event. Full performance schedule here.

Highlights include:

• Off the Beat followed by Samba Drumming, 1-2 p.m., Upper Quad: See the ICCA ranked aca-crew; then marvel at the fact that you can get Penn credit for learning to play the cowbell.
• Glee Club Band followed by Bloomers Band, 4-5 p.m., Lower Quad: The crème de la crème of pop cover bands, organized by gender.

Early Evening:

• Eat. Soak up all that alcohol as the day drinking hangover creeps in. Continue to SABS at the standard spots or, better yet, raid Fro Gro for all of your needs, embracing the short lines with the anti-Flingers.
• If you’re not turnt enough, hit up the OAX, etc. open bar at Blarney. Make stimulating conversation about how AXO is off campus now because you are very in the know.
• Take a quick nap to prepare for rally #1 of the weekend.
• 8 p.m.: Tik Tok. Time's a wastin’ and if we’re gonna Die Young, you best get back to Flinging with your fellow Crazy Kids.
  • Fill bathtub with glitter, submerge yourself, and take a swig of Jack in homage to our pop star headliner. Schlep down to Franklin Field. Revel in Kygo’s neck muscles and sick mixes. Work off the alc/junk food calories by treating Kesha’s performance as a crazed dance workout cla$s.
• Alternaflingly: Future lifesavers – hit up the Penn Health School Happy Hour at 7 p.m. to schmooze with your fellow overachievers. Complain over craft brews about how unfair the curve is! 
• Midnight: You’ve rallied once today already. Treat yo' self to a theater performance rowdy enough to end Fling Day 1, Quadramics Presents: Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson. Bring the aforementioned flask.

Saturday:

Lather, rinse, repeat. Get some water, coffee, and Advil in your system and eat whatever breakfast you can stomach.

Morning: 

Start pregaming whenever you damn well please because no recitation stands between you and a day of debauchery.

Afternoon:

Again, you can party off campus to your heart's content, but, LCE, the road ends here for you.

• Quad, Round 2: Today’s looking dreary weather-wise, but Saturday is supposed to be BEA-utiful. We recommend a quick nap in the grass, which should be pretty easy considering you'll be unconscious anyway. Once you are refreshed, check out some more performances. 

Highlights include:

• Counterparts, Dhamaka, then Strictly Funk, 3:00-4:20 p.m., Upper Quad Gate: This is a power trio. Watch and feel bad about yourself. End Flinging immediately and pick up obscure hobby.
• Twin Peaks followed by Mask & Wig Band, 3:50-6 p.m., Lower Quad: The only explanation we have for why Mask & Wig gets the same length set as the legitimate rock band hosted by SPEC is that Mask & Wig is part of the (Penn) Illuminati. 
• Alternaflingly: Lounge on the grass somewhere new by checking out Penn Softball take on our rival “rival” Princeton, 4-6 p.m.

Evening:

You’re exhausted, but there is still more Flinging to be done. Cover yourself in glitter once more, and head out for the night.

• Alternaflingly: This. This shindig is not at risk of being shut down.

Happy Flinging! Have fun, but try to not end up like either of these guys.