Diamonds Are Forever (And So Is The Internet)

Though we probably know the answer to this question, we must ask anyway: Have you ever Googled yourself? While your embarrassing tweets from middle school might show up, Penn (and UTB) alum and comedy writer Kelly Diamond's Google search-induced woe is a bit more hardcore. 

Diamond discovered that, "[her] Internet presence was tainted" because a porn star – who probably has a lot in common with this gal over at Drexel – is using her name, making her Internet presence a tad bifurcated. As (not porn star) Diamond's life increasingly resembles an episode of Friends, and (porn star) Kelly Diamond is, according to Twitter, "by far today's hottest rising star," we would like to take a moment to offer our sincerest condolences to KD.

We also decided to give suggestions of names that would instantly un-taint Diamond's Internet presence and impress any future employer and/or love interest:

• Neil (Diamond, get it?) 
• Any one-word name (bonus points if there is an accent mark)
• Amy Gutmann
• Phoebe Buffay