Race To The UA Fall 2K15: Here's A List Of Freshmen Who Want A Resume Boost

Ah, can you smell it in the air? Do you not even care? Because in case you're not  aware, it's that time of year again: UA elections! Obligatory sound effect! A lot of freshman egos are on the line, so we want to make sure everyone knows how good these candidates are at making posters and inviting people to Facebook events. After all, that's basically what the UA does, right? 

We do this every semester, folks, so let's just jump in and evaluate, shall we?

Mahatma Gandhi

• Came back from the dead to run for UA—mad props for that +8,000,000
• It'll be nice to see peaceful, nonviolent negotiations in the UA for once +60
• Used a picture of some random girl -8,000,000
• Ben Franklin cameo +4

Total: 64

Hannah Kanter

• Going through the Panama Canal isn't even that impressive these days -100
• Apparently takes shortcuts with her trash disposal too -500
• Shortcut is one word -1

Total: -601

Montell Brown

• Most welcoming arms in town +100 for each arm
• Actually tells us where and when to vote +1200
• Too humble to run for actual president +800
• Thinks Ohio is great -1300

Total: 900

Tonna Obaze

• Cares about six things +6
• Very nice mosaic-style, Mondrian poster design +48
• Thinks of dwarves as animals -600

Total: -546

Hannah Sweeney

• Is fairly confident that the voting takes place online +45
• Kind enough to offer us little slips of paper with her name on it +10
• Ripping those off neatly is gonna be tough -100
• Eh, it's the idea that counts +0

Total: -45

Desmond Howard

• Reassuring to know that he approves his own message +14
• Wants to let everyone know how big an average Wawa hoagie is +10
• Left his well-paying White House job to make a difference in student government -100

Total: -76

Aren Raisinghani

• Shamelessly milking his rare, multicolored blood disorder -700
• Not one but two pictures of himself 2x score multiplier

• Wait, make that three pictures of himself 3x score multiplier
• Combined three posters into one space-hogging giga poster +300

Total: -2400

Abigail Noel

• Made a dedicated effort to tell us her name +4
• Made absolutely certain that we know what she's running for +4
• Just wants to get a couple study buddies out of this +9

Total: 17

Christy Charnel

• A welcome reminder that Nursing kids run for UA too +86
• Made full use of her ink budget +28
• Finally, someone who cares +5
• Doesn't want anyone to know what she looks like +?

Total: 119?

Toto

• Forgot that commas don't work in hashtags -9,999,999

TOTal: -9,999,999

Taylor Becker

• Has a smile bright enough to illuminate Donald Trump's heart +650
• Might go blind from looking at this poster too long -3000
• Sacrificed half his name to make a hashtag rhyme +2000

Total: -350

Dayz

• Wearing the appropriate SPF protection from Taylor Becker's smile +15
• Proud advocate of the number 2 +500

• Also this ? +20
• Ominous ellipses tho... -365

Total: 170

Breanne Mastromarino

• Not afraid to harness the power of hot pink +6000
• Poor marker control -5600
• Can't handle the pressure of being in the center of a photo -1010

Total:  -610

Naomi Kadish

• Did she just compare herself to an ice cream company? -360
• Savvy enough to crop out the Ben & Jerry's logo +150

• She's not afraid to whip our lazy student government into shape +100
• Does a great horse impression and wants everyone to know +100

Total: -10

Heather

• Kindergarten chic +4
• Doesn't waste our time with useless information, like what she's running for +5
• Added a splash of color to that hopeless lawn +1500

Total: 1509

Femi Palmer

• Was seen personally handing these out on Locust +10
• His supporters are technically Feminists +69
• Acrostics are getting old -300

Total: -221

MacKenzie Mauger

• Doesn't have any negative personality traits +100
• Sophisticated poster design +100
• Mediocre slant rhyme 0.5x score multiplier

Total: 100

Nile

• Just wants to stand around and smile with people +5093
• That's literally it +2309
• Chose a good, sturdy tree for his poster: the London Plane +1365

Total: 8667

Aaaaaand that's where we'll cut this post off. This is already way too many overeager freshmen for one webpage. If we didn't include your poster, make yourself known in the comments! And don't worry, the DP did a comprehensive overview of all the candidates right here:

More info about ALL the candidates

Seen enough? Voting is open September 16th to the 18th!

Vote here!