Most Depressing Places On Campus Volume II: Those Little Gyms In The Quad

If the first-ever Most Depressing Place was where desperate Quakers go to eat dry, soulless baked goods, this week's Most Depressing Place is where equally sad people go to attempt to work them off. These creepy little underground gyms in the Quad reek of shame and failed attempts to sweat off Wawa drunchies. 

With their claustrophobia-inducing size and archaic machines, these rooms have the sole benefit of offering the chance to work out in complete solitude most of the time. But while they might be only moderately depressing when you're the only one huffing away on the Stairmaster, it's game over if another person comes in. You're forced to listen to each other's struggle to breathe, wildly trying to avoid eye contact. While you contemplate how long you can wait before leaving without making it seem like you're leaving because the other person is there, you inevitably realize that life has no meaning and you're just a cog in the sick, cruel machine of the universe. 

Unless you are deathly allergic to Pottruck, there's no actually good reason to go here. And while it can be hard to get used to working out in front of that hottie from your Writing Seminar rather than on the rickety treadmill in your parent's basement, that doesn't mean you should continue to work out exclusively in basements. There's a whole world out there where the ellipticals are not quite this depressing. Go live in it.